Sunday, March 30, 2008

Nathalie writes mom in chalk!!!!

and the scribbles at the top is where she wrote "Nathalie" unfortunately I didnt get a picture of that. I'll take one the next time she writes her own name!

This week has been quite busy and full of many ups and downs, I'm happy to report that on the marriage front life is on the up! I really think things are starting to iron out.

I have been baking quite a bit this week, my favorite were some white chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies they were soooo good!!!! Not neccisarily good for us but they were delicious!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The things I dont want to talk about....but need to

My life has been a little hectic lately, and not neccisarily good hectic. I am thankful I have my kids, they are my pride and joy, and always make me smile, they help me get through the days, especially the rough ones, and these past few weeks have had some rough ones. I fill like lately all dh and I do together, is argue. Some of it is my fault, maybe I am hormonal, maybe I am easily set off, I don't know. I do know I don't want our marriage or children to suffer. I Love him more than imaginable, but marriage is a 2 way street, and lately I feel like its 1 way.

My husband got demoted last week (the 12th) and consequently was given over a week off (paid) He was a store manager and will now be an assistant, in so many ways this demotion means good things for him and us, so much less stress, I greatly dislike the amounts of stress he was suffering over his job, and I know that this will help us/him tremendously. And he has definitely been through a lot in the last year, between this, the death of his aunt and mother, finding out his teenage daughter is pregnant, a shoulder surgery and finding out that he will need another shoulder surgery on the other shoulder, soon. We moved as well, which can be stressful. But I am frustrated, I feel like our relationship is such a struggle and shouldnt be. I don't want to do anything that will cause him anymore grief but I really dont know how long I can go on this way. He doesn't like to talk about things, and me, well I'm a talker, I have bottled up pain and then when I finally do let it out I'm like an explosion. Add to the mix our completely opposite schedules and things are definitely bumpy.

My children and my husband are my life, my school and my work are to support that life, but at what point do you give up something to support your primary life? Does that question even make sense, I guess what I mean is this, I need to go to school, or my family will live in this struggle that we are in husband is 16 years older than me, and will most likely always be in retail, which there is nothing wrong with, but its not the ideal job to support a family on if you know what I mean. I wonder too if it bothers him, knowing that my earning potential is greater, he has never said it does but I wonder. So then there's this, maybe I should work less now (GULP) this would mean some MAJOR life changes, as my mere 24 hours a week does bring so many benefits into this household....including the kids and my health insurance.. I really don't know, but I do know that somewhere, somehow somethings got to give.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Nathalie's Haircut!

Nathalie had cut her own hair a while ago, and I'd since been trying to get her to let Auntie even it out. Over the weekend Nathalie decided, she wanted her haircut. I took her in to Nichole yesterday, and here is the finished result, my little girl is getting so big!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

My relationship with breastfeeding

Lotus over at sarcastic mom posted today on Breastfeeding, and encouraged her readers to participate. Since I have two kids, I'll give you both stories!

When pregnant with Nathalie I was only 23(for the first month, and then 24) and although I didn't know much about parenting beyond my experiences babysitting in High School, I knew without question that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. At Nathalie's birth she inhaled some fluid, so after a few minutes of holding her, my husband followed her to the NICU. I repeatedly told them I was planning on nursing and please not to feed her formula. Our first nursing session went well, but not great, but I was a first time mommy and I knew it would take work. Despite my wishes, she was supplemented in the NICU. Nathalie and I struggled through a nursing relationship for the following 6 months, at which point we just couldn't do it anymore. Looking back I feel I didn't try hard enough, and I regret this beyond belief.

When pregnant with William I was more determined than the last time to make our nursing relationship work. Almost immediately following his birth he was attached to my boob! (HE is a boy after all). William and I had an amazing nursing relationship, I pumped as much as possible as I had to return to work when he was just 4 months old, which was when the real strain came in Nathalie and my nursing relationship. William was a trooper though, and he loved the booby milk. He and I continued our nursing relationship until he was 17.5 months old, because our nursing relationship was straining our regular relationship.

Please all you nursing mamas out there share your breastfeeding story then stop by Lotus' site and link your post!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tag I'm it

Luci who can be found over at tagged me. I am in serious need of a post too, good thing.

I'm going to play the game! Here are the rules, per luci, who got them via veganmomma:Rules:Link to your tagger and post these rules.Share 5 facts about yourself.Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

1.) I have lived in California, er San Diego, er, East county my entire life (yep thats right all 28 years)

2.)I am easily stressed out and often insecure.

3.) In Middle School and High School, I was a cheerleader. In 10th grade we won city, regional and State. My senior year I was the Captian and NO I didn't date the quarterback

4.) My hair was down to my waist up until a week before my High School Graduation and I cut it above my shoulders, its never been passed my shoulders since!

5.) and this is a BIG one, the whole reason I originally came on here to post tonight, this is one that comes with mixed emotions: My husband is going to be a grandpa, which means that I am going to be a (step) GRANDMA, we found out about a week ago that my youngest step daughter (who is 16) is expecting. Unfortunately, she found it so hard to tell us that we are just now finding out and she is 17 weeks. She lives in NH with her mom. This means that when she came to visit in January she was around 7 or 8 weeks, I wish she'd have told us then. It was hard news to take at first, and I know many people will judge her and that baby for the rest of their lives. But I find pregnancy and birth amazing things and I am happy she gets to experience them and welcome a new life to this world. I am elated that she is dedicated to breastfeeding this baby. I know it will be a hard road for her, and the situation though not ideal brings her a gift that I hope she'll cherish!

how about that for a heavy ending huh? okay now I'm off to tag 5 folks!