baking... William's speech...and Nathalie's speech

Over the past couple of weeks I've been baking up a storm, I don't know whats gotten into me! Most likely its the fact that Nathalie is so in love with baking, so I've been incorporating her in the mix! This week, she and I baked peanut butter cupcakes on Monday, although they turned out a bit more muffin like than cupcake like they were still delicious. Tonight we were on the road to baking banana bread, and I couldn't find my loaf pan so we turned them into muffins they turned out great! I only had two bananas left to use so I added a couple of cups of applesauce and Nathalie really thought that was funny, to mix bananas with applesauce!

William had his 1st speech therapy appt today and I'm happy to report that he truly is catching up! The pathologist we saw today was amazing! William is at the range of an 18 to 21 month old now, and he is 22 months, so we are on our way.

Nathalie's school is having speech evaluations on Monday and asked permission to have her evaluated. I never realized (I guess because she's my kid, and I just thought that was the way nearly 4 year old talks) but she has quite a bit of difficulty with the sc sound like in School and Scooby, as well as the K sound! The K sound became completely clear at my moms this weekend when Nathalie was attempting to say hello kitty, well her K sound is a t, so it came out "hello titty".

anyways thats the latest with us!

Nathalie writes mom in chalk!!!!

and the scribbles at the top is where she wrote "Nathalie" unfortunately I didnt get a picture of that. I'll take one the next time she writes her own name!

This week has been quite busy and full of many ups and downs, I'm happy to report that on the marriage front life is on the up! I really think things are starting to iron out.

I have been baking quite a bit this week, my favorite were some white chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies they were soooo good!!!! Not neccisarily good for us but they were delicious!

The things I dont want to talk about....but need to

My life has been a little hectic lately, and not neccisarily good hectic. I am thankful I have my kids, they are my pride and joy, and always make me smile, they help me get through the days, especially the rough ones, and these past few weeks have had some rough ones. I fill like lately all dh and I do together, is argue. Some of it is my fault, maybe I am hormonal, maybe I am easily set off, I don't know. I do know I don't want our marriage or children to suffer. I Love him more than imaginable, but marriage is a 2 way street, and lately I feel like its 1 way.

My husband got demoted last week (the 12th) and consequently was given over a week off (paid) He was a store manager and will now be an assistant, in so many ways this demotion means good things for him and us, so much less stress, I greatly dislike the amounts of stress he was suffering over his job, and I know that this will help us/him tremendously. And he has definitely been through a lot in the last year, between this, the death of his aunt and mother, finding out his teenage daughter is pregnant, a shoulder surgery and finding out that he will need another shoulder surgery on the other shoulder, soon. We moved as well, which can be stressful. But I am frustrated, I feel like our relationship is such a struggle and shouldnt be. I don't want to do anything that will cause him anymore grief but I really dont know how long I can go on this way. He doesn't like to talk about things, and me, well I'm a talker, I have bottled up pain and then when I finally do let it out I'm like an explosion. Add to the mix our completely opposite schedules and things are definitely bumpy.

My children and my husband are my life, my school and my work are to support that life, but at what point do you give up something to support your primary life? Does that question even make sense, I guess what I mean is this, I need to go to school, or my family will live in this struggle that we are in for.ev.er....my husband is 16 years older than me, and will most likely always be in retail, which there is nothing wrong with, but its not the ideal job to support a family on if you know what I mean. I wonder too if it bothers him, knowing that my earning potential is greater, he has never said it does but I wonder. So then there's this, maybe I should work less now (GULP) this would mean some MAJOR life changes, as my mere 24 hours a week does bring so many benefits into this household....including the kids and my health insurance.. I really don't know, but I do know that somewhere, somehow somethings got to give.

Nathalie's Haircut!

Nathalie had cut her own hair a while ago, and I'd since been trying to get her to let Auntie even it out. Over the weekend Nathalie decided, she wanted her haircut. I took her in to Nichole yesterday, and here is the finished result, my little girl is getting so big!

My relationship with breastfeeding

Lotus over at sarcastic mom posted today on Breastfeeding, and encouraged her readers to participate. Since I have two kids, I'll give you both stories!

When pregnant with Nathalie I was only 23(for the first month, and then 24) and although I didn't know much about parenting beyond my experiences babysitting in High School, I knew without question that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. At Nathalie's birth she inhaled some fluid, so after a few minutes of holding her, my husband followed her to the NICU. I repeatedly told them I was planning on nursing and please not to feed her formula. Our first nursing session went well, but not great, but I was a first time mommy and I knew it would take work. Despite my wishes, she was supplemented in the NICU. Nathalie and I struggled through a nursing relationship for the following 6 months, at which point we just couldn't do it anymore. Looking back I feel I didn't try hard enough, and I regret this beyond belief.

When pregnant with William I was more determined than the last time to make our nursing relationship work. Almost immediately following his birth he was attached to my boob! (HE is a boy after all). William and I had an amazing nursing relationship, I pumped as much as possible as I had to return to work when he was just 4 months old, which was when the real strain came in Nathalie and my nursing relationship. William was a trooper though, and he loved the booby milk. He and I continued our nursing relationship until he was 17.5 months old, because our nursing relationship was straining our regular relationship.

Please all you nursing mamas out there share your breastfeeding story then stop by Lotus' site and link your post!

Tag I'm it

Luci who can be found over at http://mindlessmomramblings.blogspot.com/ tagged me. I am in serious need of a post too, good thing.

I'm going to play the game! Here are the rules, per luci, who got them via veganmomma:Rules:Link to your tagger and post these rules.Share 5 facts about yourself.Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

1.) I have lived in California, er San Diego, er, East county my entire life (yep thats right all 28 years)

2.)I am easily stressed out and often insecure.

3.) In Middle School and High School, I was a cheerleader. In 10th grade we won city, regional and State. My senior year I was the Captian and NO I didn't date the quarterback

4.) My hair was down to my waist up until a week before my High School Graduation and I cut it above my shoulders, its never been passed my shoulders since!

5.) and this is a BIG one, the whole reason I originally came on here to post tonight, this is one that comes with mixed emotions: My husband is going to be a grandpa, which means that I am going to be a (step) GRANDMA, we found out about a week ago that my youngest step daughter (who is 16) is expecting. Unfortunately, she found it so hard to tell us that we are just now finding out and she is 17 weeks. She lives in NH with her mom. This means that when she came to visit in January she was around 7 or 8 weeks, I wish she'd have told us then. It was hard news to take at first, and I know many people will judge her and that baby for the rest of their lives. But I find pregnancy and birth amazing things and I am happy she gets to experience them and welcome a new life to this world. I am elated that she is dedicated to breastfeeding this baby. I know it will be a hard road for her, and the situation though not ideal brings her a gift that I hope she'll cherish!

how about that for a heavy ending huh? okay now I'm off to tag 5 folks!

all moved in

and loving it! The things we gained on this move are priceless! We have a garage, and for the first time ever are in a place with washer and dryer hook-ups!!!! Also for the first time we are in a place with a fireplace which means a mantle! The townhouses have a common playground that William and I walked down to today and it was great! We were the only ones there, and he had so much fun exploring! We still have a few odds and ends that aren't quite unpacked yet, but are definitely making progress!

What we did today

Okay so for the past several weeks I've been working Thursdays, which means missing our usual Thursday playgroup! Today I was off, unfortunately we still did not get to attend playgroup! We headed up to my moms to do laundry (8 loads of it!) so that EVERYTHING is clean for the move! I AM so excited that we will finally have our own washer and dryer!!!

The kids spent quite a bit of time outside today, playing on there bikes, chasing each other around, playing in the mud, splashing in the puddles! AND I had my camera with me :) so here are some pictures of the fun they had!!!


The joy on her face! BTW she cut her own bangs last night, after she'd been growing them out for over a year, they were about the length of the piece on the left side of her chin, which she also cut herself!

William on the Tricyle!

My baby boy is getting so big!

William and Nathalie pulling weeds lol!

Sliding down the bank on her bottom!

ok so....

William and I didnt attend playgroup as planned yesterday, we had been running around all morning and the weather was kind of blah so I opted out. He and I did walk to pick Nathalie up from school, although, due to the fact that he skipped is nap yesterday I did cary him most of the way.

His appointment went well with his ped yesterday. She agreed with the previous evaluation that William does have some sort of speech delay and will indeed require therapy. We have an appointment scheduled with audiology on the 6th of March, to make sure that it is not hearing related, as Sam pointed out to me, a lot of the sounds that William makes sound like that of someone hearing impaired. The ped put in the referall for the speech therapy, and I will call Friday to schedule that. In the meantime, I am working with him consistantly and making sure that he can see my lips when I talk (just incase).

Today is not a school day for Nathalie so we spent about 45 minutes outside this morning stomping in rain puddles, William got so much joy in this, he was sooo excited, and wore himself out. He is now napping (and has been for 2 hours) which is nice as he hasn't taken a nap for the past three days.

Posting may be scarce over the next week or so as we move on Sunday!

Phthalates

toys r us to go phtalate free

I was happily surprised when I stumbled across this letter! Its so nice that such a large corporation may actually start caring for our kids! I was further impressed by the 'r Us company when I was online shopping for a mommy to be who was registered there and I discovered that they are now carryingNaturals/Organics,Slings, wraps, and pouches,Kushies, and severalBPAfree bottles and sippy cups!

More on William

to come tomorrow....He has an appointment at Kaiser at 9:45 tomorrow morning to be evaluated through them, as I couldn't see waiting until April if he truly needs speech therapy and thats how long it would take if I went through Ca first 5. On an amazing note, he said bear and baby today, more than once, which adds two new words to his vocabulary!


Todays Green Hour was just a simple walk to Henry's, with William and Nathalie, as Nathalie didn't have school today due to Presidents day. William walked the entire way there and back, which is probably about a mile and a half round trip.

Tomorrow Nathalie has school, and William and I will be going to playgroup after his appointment, so that will be his Green Hour tomorrow. I also think we'll walk to pick Nathalie up from school, as once we move at the end of the week we wont be within walking distance anymore and I may as well get in all the walking we can!

Birch Aquarium

As I mentioned in Saturdays post the kids and I went to the aquarium. We went with my good friend Jen and her son Dylan, we all had so much fun! It was somewhat crowded, but nothing unmanagable by any means. William was the craziest (of course) and I think it would be a lot of fun to go back there with Daddy, or even leave William at home with Daddy and just take Nathalie because, she really wanted to learn about everything!

Green Hour

I feel that I do my best to take my kids outside, and expose them to nature. Sometimes, I feel like I don't try enough, or that I'm lacking motivation! In reading some blogs through my goolge reader account I stumbled across the green hour website. I was sooo disturbed to read "the average American child spends 44 hours per week (more than 6 hours a day!) staring at some kind of electronic screen.". Thus, I've commited myself to Green Hour. I will do everything in my power to keep track of our daily Green hour ventures and post them on here (although most likely not always on a daily basis). The sight is excellent in recomending "teaching" activities, and also provides a nature finder that helps find activities nearby.

Todays Nature hour was spent at Nana and Papa's house. We played outside, saw birds and Williams favorite find was a Lizard.

William's appt

went wellish.....Cognitively and developmentally he his on trakc and advanced for his age. Which is good news in that he definitely understands a lot of things, and is capable of quite a bit. Unfortunately, his speech is delayed and currently at the level of about a 12-15 month old. Rather than continuing through Early Intervention;however, we will be trying to pursue this through Kaiser, due to the fact that E.I can't get him an appt for language diagnostic until april 15th and frankly I'd rather get the ball moving.

Today, though I should of been packing, I took advantage of Museum Month and took the kids to Birch Aquarium and then to the park. They had a great day with mommy, although mommy should have been packing, and studying, the day was much to beautiful for that!

Happy Valentine's Day

Nathalie was my sweetest valentine today. When I left for work this am she was still asleep. So I called around 10 to talk to her and wish her a happy valentines day, and without any prompting from daddy she said "mommy happy valentines day to you too" I thought it was so adorable as shes just getting so communicative and really starting to understand things like this.

Sam is still in lots of pain, with his MRI scheduled for next week. I just hope he doesn't end up needing surgery on this shoulder too.

I have been suffering from insomnia a lot lately. I know its stress. I've been using rescue remedy. And tonight just started melatonin, I need sleep. and I'm not getting it.

William has an appointment tomorrow morning with early intervention at 10 am, Im nervous but hope we'll get some much needed answers regarding his speech/hearing. I know that this too has been increasing my stress level leading to my inability to sleep.

On top of all this we are moving on the 24th, and I have only packed one box thus far.

will I ever shut up about BPA, probably not

I'm happy that I just found this because Nuby is sold at target and walmart and is pretty cheap!

click & sign this petition.... BPA free is the way to be

This is a direct copy, becuase I was to lazy to retype into my own words, but please just sign the petition!!!!! Thanks :)



Did you know many baby bottles contain an unnecessary toxic chemical even though safer products are available? Visit http://www.babystoxicbottle.org to learn more and sign the petition for toxic-free baby bottles.

A recent report, Babyâ?Ts Toxic Bottle: Bisphenol A Leaching from Popular Brands of Baby Bottles, found many baby bottles leach the chemical bisphenol A when heated. Laboratory studies demonstrate that bisphenol A causes damage to reproductive, neurological, and immune systems during critical stages of development, such as infancy and in the womb.

Join parents from across the country standing up for our childrenâ?Ts health and safer products. Help us send a message to leading manufacturers of baby bottles that toxic chemicals like BPA donâ?Tt belong in baby bottles.

Visit http://www.babystoxicbottle.org to learn more and sign the petition for toxic-free baby bottles.

Thanks.

I just had to post

that I really thing that this guy has a fear of never having any more childern, so he gave his newborn daughter any name he's ever considered. Granted some of the names are very cute! I think Posey is adorable, but at some point there should maybe be a limit on the name? But I think its awesome that they had the baby at home. If I had a house, not a lame appt I would have loved to have mine at home!

With no end in sight

Sam is still in tremendous amounts of pain. He stayed home from work today. My work aholic husband stayed home from work today. He layed in bed for a lot of time using a heating pad, propping himself up with numerous pillows. His MRI is currently scheduled for February 20th, but we keep calling every day hoping for a cancellation, no such luck this far.

Nathalie has been coughing/ running a fever for about 3 days now. This horrible coughing led to almost no sleep for her or Mama last night. On top of the cough, she woke up in agonozing pain 3 or so times in the middle of the night, shrieking that her ear hurt. I made the decision to take her in today, and apparently it was a good thing I did, I guess her right ear, the one that was hurting, was really badly infected. Poor baby girl.

The boy child is as wild and crazy as ever.

Here's to hoping theres an end in sight!

21 months

The littlest is 21 months old today! He's still our little guy though, weighing in at just around 25 pounds. He is a little onry lately, and I long for the days when he out grows this stage. His sister is so sweet to him, and yet he remains to not be as nice to her. The other day he bit her. It left a mark on her shoulder that she still has, I couldn't believe it. He also is at a stage where he thinks screaming is fun. kid, its not. He is still my boy though, momma prevails over all else and that makes me feel amazing.

Sam's hospital stay OH and today is his birthday

First, so I don't forget Happy birthday to the man I married! I love him with all of my heart, and today he is 45! Or as he likes to put it 39 plus 6.

Sam has 2 stents that were put in back in 2003; when he was only 40! Since that time we have been in constant monitoring of things that most 40ish men don't really have to worry about, like cholesterol and blood pressure. Needless to say that when Sam came into the front room around 10 pm on Sunday night complaining of SEVERE pain in his shoulder and back, my first thought went to his heart... It was the kind of pain that brings a man to his knees. He was dying. I called Kaiser and they, as I thought they would, told me to take him to the ER. Nathalie was asleep so she stayed home with our roommate, and the lil' guy, well he got to come along for the ride! AT about 4 am, once they had rulled out all to do with Sam's heart for the most part, by way of EKG and blood work, I decided to take my baby and myself home as neither of us had slept, (YES William really stayed awake the ENTIRE time!) Monday morning I woke up around 730 got Nathalie and William all ready and then dropped Nathalie at school around 9 and William with my sister. I then headed back down to Kaiser, where Sam had been moved from the ER to the "observation unit", you know like the animals in the zoo! They were going to perform some further testing on his heart, and run Xrays on his shoulder as the pain was still a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. all tests run. no results. Final goal, to get pain managed. I never understood Chronic Pain until I saw my husbnd in it! Monday night was the first night my children have been without either of us over night! The good news is that they were super good for they're auntie, which means we may get an overnight date-night out of this eventually! The bad news, this means I got to sleep on a gurney next to my husband in the hospital! I mean common kids, that would have been the time to throw a fit so mommy had to come get you! No, I really didn't want to leave Sam..... He was discharged yesterday, (Tuesday) afternoon, still no answer. Seriously. I took him to his primary care today as he was so miserable all.night.long and really still no answers, we have to call Friday to schedule an MRI.......

anyways thats how my week started, how about yours?

Knott's Berry Farm

We took a trip up to Knott's Berry Farm on the 13th. It was when Sam's girls were here, and we had all planned on going, but William was pretty sick with a fever and runny nose/congestion, so daddy stayed home with him. It was the 3 girls, my sister and I! Nathalie had a blast. The prices were great, it was 20 dollars a person if you brought a can of food to donate to the Orange County food bank. It was around 80 degrees, and so uncrowded!

BPA- free is the way to be

for very many reasons, and due to my lazy attitude right now, I'll let you research that on your own! However, I stumbled across this awesome sippy cup review today. And although I was aware of most of these cups being BPA free, I had no idea that the munchkin cup was, and those are a lot less expensive, which makes mamma happy!

only a few more days

until I'm back to school! I feel like I just had finals and I start again Monday. I am waitlisted for both of my courses, but am hoping to take Anatomy with Lab and the 2nd Semester of Organic Chemistry w/ lab. My work schedule will also be quite different this semester, I'll be working Thursday through Sunday, which means quite a bit of changes in our household. On top of that, we are looking for a new place to live, as our lease is up at the end of February, and we really aren't happy with the new management in our complex. I always seem to strive under stress, I'm just hoping that I won't be biting off more than I can chew.

Sams visit with his girls

was fantastic, and we all enjoyed it so much. They left to go home on Friday and Nathalie misses her sisters tremendously! I know that Sam wishes they still lived out here. At any rate we had a great visit, and now my kids don't know what to do without there older sisters to bug constantly!

Nathalie got her ears pierced today

Its something that I've always wanted to do, and today ended up being the day. Lately she's been asking for earings more and more, I explained that it would hurt kind of like a shot, and she said that it was okay. She was such a brave girl, unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me, but I did get a shot of one ear at the park, afterwards.

Some Pictures taken by Jocelyn

Sam's girls arrived today

Jocelyn and Briana arrived today at 3:00, they went with me to pick up Nathalie from school, and she was so excited to see her sissys, she actually calls Jocelyn Sissy, and Briana "her", but we're working on that as "her" isn't really the nicest label. After picking Nathalie up from school, we all came back to the house and it was so nice to see Sam's true happiness in seeing his older daughters. All 4 kids and I went to Costco, and it really wasn't as bad as it sounds, minus the price tag that is. But tomorrow we're having a BBQ up at my mom's and dad's, and throwing in a bday bash for Sam (although he doesnt really know that part yet) so I got all the food for that too; and Diapers were 40 dollars of it, so that considered, I really didn't spend all that much.

Monday, we are all going to go to Knotts Berry Farm and Nathalie is sooo excited to see Snoopy! I can't wait either, I don't know who is the most excited.

So, if you don't here from me for a few days, you now know why, but I will do my best to take pictures and post as much as possible.

what a difference a day makes

yesterday I was super mom. I had the kids fed and bathed by the time sam got home from work. I had all the dishes done and the kitchen clean. Today I had every intention to clean up the front room, put the laundry away etc, and I haven't done anything. I just picked Nathalie up from school, and rather than launching into dinner making mode, I gave them both snacks. So yesterday I was super mom and today I'm not.

Danger Danger, I'm having one of those days

so whining is about the best you'll get from me right now. I know I'm PMSing, I can feel it within every ounce of my body, not physically, emotionally. Yesterday the kids bugged me all day long by doing nothing or everything, it didn't matter. I worked today, but since then have been on constant bitch mode. I feel like my premenstural symptoms have increased severely after having had William, and I feel like they worsen every month. I get so glum and want to throw myself a pitty party. I seriously need motivation to play grown up now. I have sooo much to do this week, Sam's girls are coming on Friday from New Hampshire (his bday surprise. although he knows now) and I have cleaning to do and stuff to plan and right now I have complete insomnia and I'm tired. Ok well Im pretty sure I just complained enough for quite a while!

A car! A car!

So for quite a while now we've been having 1 car, and its been quite rough. Thankfully my Dad let us use is truck, but at about 9 miles to the gallon its safe to say that we have been avoiding driving it.
My Dad has mentioned a couple of times that his bosses daughter had an old station waggon as a 2nd car, that he thought she may be interested in parting with at a realitively low cost! He wondered if I was interested. um for sure! So my Dad called me yesterday and said he wanted to bring the car by for me to look at, ok. To me it was perfect, it runs, it would get me everywhere I needed to go, my Dad was confident enough about it and I really trust his judgement as he knows tremendous amounts about cars.
Well, I got the car today and I'm so happy about it! Although I don't have a picture of the actual car, Here is one just like it on auto trader. Nathalie calls it our big car lol.

Lots of pictures

I'm soooo behind in posting pics, here's a slide show to get a little bit caught up!

Date Night~ with myself

Tonight I originally had plans to see a movie with a friend; however, she had to bow out as she wasn't feeling well (read HUNG OVER). I attempted to contact other friends, including my sister, none of which were up to a movie night. I myself have not been to see an adult movie in the theater in over 3 years. I truly had my heart set on chick flick movie night, to go see P.S. I Love you! A customer at work after knowing all I had been through recently suggested it, and I really wanted to see it. So I decided I'd keep the date I had with my friend, with myself. It was an amazing night, I have never gone to a movie alone before, but I would most definitely do it again. I went to Grossmont Center, I had dinner at Panera, I had a bowl of baby portobello bisque which was delicious, and then enjoyed a fantastic chick flick that made me laugh and cry! It was truly a great way to start off the new year! I've definitely been in quite a funk lately and this helped me!

Oh and P.S. Sam knows about his birthday surprise now, and its not because I can't keep a seceret, its because he's a stubborn old man, and the only way I could get him to request off a few days was to tell him......I bought 2 plane tickets for his daughters to come and visit. They'll be here the 11th to the 18th. He couldn't not be more excited, so although, I really just wanted to surprise him, it will still be amazing!

A crappy year, come on in 2008!

2007 has definitely been a rough year for us! The hardest hit was definitely Sam's mom passing away! Regardless of importance the hard knocks have kept on coming all.year.long. Frankly, I am ready to say good bye to 2007! Before I do, here are the first sentences of the first posts of every month for 2007!

January A new year is upon us, quicker they go as older I get!

February William is 9 months old

March Today is such a beautiful day!

April
and yet here I am posting a blog?



May Dear son, it amazes me that the first year of your life outside of me has passed!

June woke up far to early drove through starbucks on way to park as result of waking up far to early :)!

July Today my dear son William is 14 months old and I can't believe it!

August William falls often, he is crazy and climbs on things he shouldn't I find myself chasing him to catch him moments from severe danger.

September Today was Nathalie's 1st day of Preschool!

October William is 17 months old!

November http://senwlong.blogspot.com/2007/11/nablopomo.html

December On Saturday, the kids and I went to Seaport Village with my Mom and Dad.


So there's my year in review!!

Sam's 45th birthday SURPRISE....

Sam will be 45 at the end of January! And I Have the best present for him ever! He doesn't read my blog, that I know of, but I'm sure that as soon as I write that he will....lol. So I'll say this, He will find out about his surprise in 2 weeks! So at that time I will reveal to you in all its glory the best birthday surprise ever (for my hubby anyhow!)

Surprisingly

William actually went to bed without much of a fight, I couldn't believe it! My first effort began at about 9:15, and I figured that for ease of sleep I would just put him in my bed (rather than his own), especially because Nathalie was already asleep in my room. After about 45 minutes of him tossing and turning and trying to wake Nathalie up (thankfully he did not succeed in this mission). I said "William if you don't leave Nathalie alone, we are going to have to go night night in your bed" and he said "yeah". I asked "William, do you want to go sleep in your bed?" and he again said "yeah". So I carried him into he and Nathalie's room, tucked him in tight, gave him kisses and hugs and his little firefly to sleep with. 5 minutes later he was out, I couldn't believe it. My lil guy didn't want to sleep with Mommy and Nathalie, which made me somewhat sad, but he is asleep and that really is what counts to me right now!

Christmas rocked!!!!

Not only for the kids, but for me too! My family all pitched in and bought me a laptop for Christmas! I am soo excited about this, it is something I really will use for school! Unfortunately I left my camera at my moms, so I cant post any Christmas day pictures yet, but I promise there are lots that will be posted soon!
Nathalie's favorite gift was the one that santa brought her a baby doll, with highchair, stroller and bed. Williams favorite gift was a geotrax set that he got from his Nana and Papa as well as his auntie. He got sooo many trucks and cars, but loves them all! Nathalies next favortie gift was from her "uncle" Dan, and was a set of barbie movies, definitely not my choice, but thats okay, it was christmas after all. The kids were amazing yesterday, and William actually took two naps!
Sam has to work overnight for the next three nights :( but this means that this morning he allowed me to go back to sleep after breakfast and showering, around 9:30 until noonish, it was fantastic! William has now been asleep for nearly 3 hours, which is also fantastic, but I know it will end soon!

Merry Christmas Eve

Its Christmas Eve, and Nathalie could not be more excited. I've always waited for "the year." I'm sure those of you with little kids know what I'm talking about. This is definitely "the year" for Nathalie. The year that she's realized who Santa Claus is, and what presents are and how fun it is to give presents to other people. On Saturday we went to a Christmas party at a friend of my mom's, and Nathalie had made her a Christmas ornament. The pure excitement and delight that Nathalie beamed when giving that gift to "aunt" Judy was amazing. Today and tomorrow Sam and I both don't have work which to me is the best gift that we could ever be given, two days as a family of four with no outside influences tearing us away from those closest to us! This morning the four of us woke up and Sam and I allowed the kids each to open one present for Christmas Eve. Nathalie opened a Dora backpack full of games, Checkers, Bingo, Crazy Eights, Dominoes, Tic Tac Toe, Go Fish, Memory and Old Maid, which we've been playing with all day, I'm so glad she is getting so much enjoyment out of it. William opened up a blanket, its plush and has a firetruck, police car, and race car on it, he's been cuddling with it all day too, its so cute. After breakfast we took a walk to the park for a little while and then walked home. William went straight down for a nap, and because I don't think I've mentioned this I should say, in his big boy bed. He and Nathalie have been sleeping in Nathalie's room for a couple of weeks now, and it as been a surprisingly smooth transition. One night William woke up in the middle of the night and was welcomed with open arms into our bed, but thats been the extent of it really. My baby boy is getting so big. Daddy decided he was going to nap too, and I loved the way a nap sounded so Nathalie, Daddy and I all went and had "quite time" in Mommy and Daddy's bed, Nathalie never quite fell asleep so after about an hour of her being good and quite, I told her that she and I could get up which made her very happy. Tonight we will go to my sister's house for a Christmas Eve dinner of homemade Chili and then we'll spend the night at my parents house and spend Christmas there tomorrow. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas!

200th post woo hoo

As I was getting ready to post, I realized this is my 200th blog post. What a milestone. Another milestone, the one I actually came on here to write about....only one more final tomorrow and then no school until the last week of January! It's definitely been a trying semester, its hard to balance it all. I often found myself feeling guilty having to leave my kids to go to class, or to study, but I know in the end this will be worth it for them!

The Christmas tree debate

I'm feeling like a rotten mother and its all thanks to friends like Luci,Sara, Elaine,and Natalie. Ok so you get the point. I, I mean we had decided not to put up a tree this year. William is at quite an inquisitive stage and with the stress of finals next week etc.etc.... And I'm not really that rotten of a mom, as we spent the whole day after Thanksgiving setting up Nana and Papa's tree, which Nathalie got to enjoy every minute of. We will be spending Christmas eve at my sisters house (she has a tree) and then sleeping over night at my parents house, again waking up to a tree. So please reassure me that I'm not scarring my daughter for life by not putting up a tree this year!

hemidemisemiquaver

yes its really a word it means 64th note; oh and if you already knew that then I must say you are much more intellegent than me.

The Sickies....

have hit our house, and pretty hard at that. William started it with a runny nose Saturday, which was followed by diahrrea Saturday night, and my favorite, he even threw up on Friday night. His nose is still runny, but he seems to be on the mend now. I ended up with it yesterday, nasal congestion, fever cough and wanting to do nothing but lay around all day, which consequently is what I did.

What have I done this year?

Way back in January, I posted this uber list of goals for the year, so which ones have I actually accomplished or made a dent in? Let's recap!

1.) No I still don't workout, and I at least walk with the kids once every 2 weeks but have made a valiant effort to go to the park at least 2 times a week!
2.) I have been eating a lot less junk, have been using a lot more Organic, and have definitely decreassed my horrible addiction to diet coke, I'm almost completely weaned, lol.
3.)Cooking more healthily indeed, see above. I know there is still plenty of room for improvement, as of now, we have cut out all red meat and are slowly working on birds too. I'm hoping by January to be mostly on veggies, with fish here and there as that is something that dh and I really enjoy.
4.)Health of dh re: his shoulder surgery, we (he) made it through with flying colors.
5.)I still haven't had the physical.
6.)I went to the dentist in July and am due again, okay I'll call them tomorrow.
7.&8. Not quite up to 4 nights a week of cooking, its hard with my schedule; and regarding the new recipes, its probably more like 1 a month.
9.)Sam has given up alcohol all together, which is much larger than I ever began imaginable, and it has definitely made our family stronger.
10.)Nathalie aka Ms. Independence, I really don't think she needs extra support in this department.
11.) With the passing of Sam's mom we've definitely come to cherish every moment more and more.
12.)We do get out of the house more than 3 days a week, Nathalie being in school goes 3 days a week. William and I try to go to playgroups on Mondays and or Tuesdays, and we all three go on Thursdays. Also we spend Saturdays and Sundays at Nanas and Papas.
13.) LIMIT TV we were doing really well with this and then had a bit of a relapse, but are getting back on track.
14.)LISTEN to my children's needs, I'm really trying on this one
15.)Take a trip together just the 4 of us. no one else. Not yet, but we're hoping for January, so almost made it
15.)Yell less, praise more (apply to both dh and dc's)--With dh its gotten a lot easier, since he stopped drinking, don't get me wrong he wasnt a druken bastard or anything like that, but he'd have a couple beers, sometimes more, a night, and wouldn't do anything.
16. Read at least 1 book a month, Well if Organic Chemistry text books and Calculus text books count then I definitely have accomlished this one too lol.
17.)Make me time...Well, it may not be once every month, but I have been getting more "me" time than last year most definitely
18.)SPEND LESS.....SAVE MORE need to work on this more
19.) I feel like my patience is increasing
20.)the boxes are decluttered
21.)Do dishes daily, do not let them go for an extra day or two--um still working on this one
22.)definitely doing better on the laundry front.
23.)done in the kids department, still need to work on our clothes
24.)we went out just the two of us on Sam's birthday, January 30th hey at least it was once this year.

19 months!

Today, William is 19 months old. He's now closer to 2 than 1, and that makes me a little sad. After dropping Nathalie of at preschool this am he and I headed to the park, we had a wonderful day playing. He just fell asleep eating in his high chair, I've never had a kid do that before lol its funny. I took a pic, but since I just uploaded pics, Ill get that one up later.

Chirstmas is coming....

On Saturday, the kids and I went to Seaport Village with my Mom and Dad. While the kids were happily occupied by Nana and Papa, I snuck in some Christmas shopping at apple box toys. I bought William this pound a peg, (hopefully he wont pound Nathalie in the head), I also got him a couple of little wooden cars as stocking suffers. I got Nathalie, a wooden Jewelery box that plays music, she wouldn't leave it alone in the store w/ Nana, so I was tipped off that it would be something good to get her, I also got herthis wooden lace up shoe, as she's become obsessed with tieing shoes lately, so I thought this might help her learn! Nathalie and William both rode the carosel, and I took pictures but haven't uploaded them yet. We had lunch at Buster's Nathalie and William shared some noodles, plain, because Nathalie didn't want any marinara sauce, I had a really good grilled chicken sandwich, although Nathalie ate half. Nana bought Nathalie a special treat of hot chocolate before we left for the day. And William was asleep before we left the parking lot. I got Nathalie an advent calender at Trader Joe's last week, so we'll be counting down the days till Christmas, maybe her and daddy can put up the tree tonight while mommy is at school.

I can't believe I did this, and I heart rainy days

Yesterday was a really really really rough day on me. I don't specifically know why or how to explain it beyond the fact that I really think it was just the accumulation of everything recent. The topper was in regards to my calculus class. On Tuesday, I was unable to attend due to picking Sam up at the airport, considering the given facts that we have only 4 weeks left in the semester, I have had zero absences in any of my courses this semester, I have a very nice, open professor, and that I have a 93% in the class, I simply emailed her explaining my situation and requesting information regarding what I would miss that day. What I got in return was a heartfelt apology for all that my family is going through right now as well as sad, sad news, that as of Tuesday she was no longer our teacher, and that she was instructed not to talk to her students about this. To make a long story short, we have a new instructor, and excess hours to make up, which means the course I thought would be over on December 19th, will now continue through January. That is quite a bit of explanation; however, it was the straw that broke the camels back (that camel being me). And I called in sick to work last night. I simply told the truth, that I just couldn't handle it right now. That I was stressed beyond belief all of this while in tears. I can't believe I did it, but I really had had enough and just needed to stay home.
Fast forward today, I love that its raining out. I love that I took Nathalie to school this morning and proceeded to take a 2 hour nap with William. It's probably a good thing that I don't live where it rains a lot, somewhere like Seattle say, because I find the rain such a valid excuse to stay in sweats all day lounge around the house, and cuddle with my bubba boy all day long. However, I do have to go to work tonight, so at some point will have to change out of my comfy sweats and slippers, but still I heart that it rained today.

10 things I love about my kids

1.) No matter what, they can make me smile. It is an unbelievable gift that they contain and I can not explain in words how it makes me feel.

2.)That they truly love one another. That they interact with one another and that Nathalie "talks" to William and he actually responds.

3.)Always having somebody to Hug, Kiss, Hold, Embrace, Cuddle with.

4.)They make me want to do better in life, to acheive greatness for their sake.

5.)They trust that everything I say is so.

6.)I love how Nathalie, is just starting to realize what Christmas is and the joy she portrays when she talks about it encapsulates a childs excitement to the extreme.

7.)I love to see their face light up and them run to either Sam or I when we come home after a long day/or night at work.

8.)Their wildness in exploration, their desire to discover the unknow.

9.)The constant thirst for knowledge, Why? What is that? Where are we going? How do we get there? At times it can be consuming, but I love that Nathalie, and even William want to learn so much about everything.

10.)To know that I created these two beautiful beings, and that I am responsible for them for the rest of our lives. It scares me but I love it nonetheless.

Happy Birthday to Nichole

Today my little sister is 27, I say it like she's so much younger than me, when in reality we are only 14 months apart. Party like its 1999.

Update on the car accident, and Sam is coming home tonight

Here is the link to the article of the horrible accident Sam's family was in last night. To clarify a few things, His cousin Bev is Geep's (george) wife. And Lillian is his Aunt Punkin. His cousin Bronwyn is arriving to Oregon this afternoon to be with her mother.

It gets worse

Seriously. I've had enough. I believe my husband has been through enough, losing both his Aunt and Mom to cancer only 7 weeks apart and then BAMM it gets worse. As has been previously mentioned he was scheduled to come home tomorrow. Notice the past tense in the previous sentence. He called me around 10 o'clock tonight and said "honey I'm not coming home tomorrow, I already called Abdul(his district manager)" I replied with, "Sam thats not funny" and unfortunately I wish he'd been joking. He continued to tell me that there was a seriously bad car accident. His Aunt Punkin (nickname) and cousin Bev were (are) locally hospitalized in McMinville. As of right now I know that his cousin Bev has 2 broken legs and his other two cousins were life flighted to Portland, one is dead. I cannot believe this. I will keep you all posted as we find out more details.

Sam's 4th day gone, the funeral.

Today has been a really good day. Both of my kids slept in until 8 am, which was a huge plus considering that I stayed up until 2 am doing homework. They had a super simple breakfast this morning (read mom was lazy) of yogurt and fruit. We all got dressed and William and I dropped Nathalie off at school at 9. After dropping Nathalie at school William and I stopped at Target to get a few things. One of which was this really cool Metal dump truck. Although it wasn't on our list I couldn't pass it up for 10 dollars. I'm going to save it for him for christmas. After Target Wiliam and I went to playgroup arriving early around 9:30 and we left at noon. He fell asleep on the way home, and is still sleeping (its 3). I'm going to have to go pick up Nathalie in just a few minutes, which will mean William will wake up but thats okay he has been sleeping for nearly 3 hours.
Sam called not to long ago and said the services for his mom were really nice. He couldn't talk long as they were at the burial, but it was nice to hear him, and he honestly sounded happy. I really think today will help him to gain a lot of closer on the situation. He comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.
I have school until 10 tonight and then am hoping to get some more cleaning around the house done so that Sam doesn't come home to a disaster zone tomorrow.

Sam's 3rd day gone, a rough one for him

Today I worked all day and just got home (after being gone from our house since Thursday). Thankfully my parents fed my kids dinner, and although I have a ton of homework (including a midterm) due tomorrow, right now I am just sitting here typing this letting the kids watch a little TV (christmas movie). Somehow I don't think tonight will be as easy to get them to bed, but I'm hoping for at least 9 o'clock, we'll see.

Well now its 10 pm and both kids are in bed. Nathalie was asleep by 8:45 and William just wasn't quite ready so I played with him for an extra hour, hoping to bide myself a more restful night. Anyways, I just realized that I never elaborated on today being rough for Sam. Tomorrow is the funeral. Today was the viewing, and no Sam did not go look at his dead mother in her casket. I honestly do not blame him. I called him on my lunch break from work and he was so sad. He was sitting outside of the funeral home while his Dad, Sister, Brother, Nephews (who are adults btw) were inside looking at his dead mother. He said he just couldn't stand the morbidity of the situation. He said that at night his Dad just cries and Sam wishes he could comfort him after loosing his love of 50 years. Furthermore, the week or so before Edith passed away Richard(Sam's dad) was sick with the 'flu', the night before she passed away was the first night he got to go stay with her in over a week. At the beginning of this week he was coughing up blood. Turns out they are going to do a biopsy on a mass in his lungs next week. Sam said that Richard said that if its cancer he just wants to die so that he can go be with his wife. I know that today was a rough day for my husband, and I can only imagine how hard tomorrow will be.

Sam's 2nd day gone

Today was again not to rough with the kids, they played hard all day today (which probably helped) we spent it again at my mom and dad's and will once again spend the night as I have to work tomorrow and didn't want to wake them super early to trek up to my parents. Tonight William was in bed before 8 and Nathalie was asleep at 8:30.

Sam's 1st day gone

I took him to the airport early this morning, leaving the kids asleep at my mom and dad's. Although we stayed at my parents all day, it was rough, as if the kids could sense that daddy was gone, and more than just gone to work. William did go pee pee on the potty for the first time tonight. I was getting ready to put him in the bath tub and he pointed at the potty and said uh uh I put him up on the potty and he went woo hoo. I finally got the kids to sleep around 9 after an hour long battle, often times I just give up, but tonight I fought the battle knowing that they were as exhausted as I was and I eventually won the battle!

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for

but right now I sit here in a silent house (Sam and the kids are sleeping) and I'm crying. I've tried so hard to be there for my husband who I love with all of my heart and soul as he suffers through this horrible loss of his mother; however, I lost her too. I loved his mother with so much of my being. She understood me, and understood how much I love her son. I would call her just to say Hi and tell her that I love her and right now I just don't feel like I did it often enough. Whenever I couldn't remember how long something should be cooked or at what temperature it was her I would call. Whenever one of her grandkids, that I birthed (her youngest 2 grandkids)would hit a milestone, I would call to share it with her. I loved her like she was my own mom. I loved her and now I have to learn to live without her. I know it will be harder for Sam to learn to live without the mother he grew up having for 44 years, but I can't imagine living without her forever, even though I've ony had her for 6.

Nathalie's 1st night without mommy and daddy (well almost)

Last Friday (the night Sam's mom died) my sister offered to take Nathalie for the night, as in over nigt so that Nathalie didn't have to be around to see Sam in his ultimate sadness. Knowing that my sis lives only a mile away I figured it was worth a shot. Around 1030 Dantie (thats what nathalie calls my sis) called me and said she was fighting sleep, so I asked if she wanted me to come get her and my sister said no that she was fine. I fell asleep around 11, and woke at 1230 to my sister calling me again, that Nathalie would still not sleep, so I picked her up, brought her home and the instant she hit the pillow in bed next to Daddy and brother she fell straight asleep.

ramblings....

Just a couple of rambling thoughts on my mind today.......
First is the fact that my Ochem class is by far one of the most labor intensive classes I have ever taken. I have taken numerous college level courses ( I do have my BA after all). This week we don't have school, due to the thanksgiving holiday; however, we have a take home midterm, and two online quizzes to do. So far 1 quiz is complete (yeah me) and yesterday a group of 4 of us worked on the midterm from 530ish until after midnight and it is still not finished! The good news is that the semester ends December 19th and then I don't start next semester until the end of January, earning me a whole month off! Woohoo.
Next is tomorrow. We are going to get our family photos taken for the holidays. This is actually our first family portrait as a family of 4. That is unless you count the one of us the night before William was born. Unfortunately one of my kids (or maybe me) have misplaced my camera, so my best option will be linking to their website. I was kind of worried that with all that has happened with Sam this week that he wouldn't neccisarrily be up to getting our pictures done tomorrow, but he wants to do it which makes me soo happy!

adventures in potty learning starring William

If anyone would have told me 6 months ago when Nathalie was fully trained that William would show an eagerness at 18 months I would have laughed in their face. However, as I mentioned once last week we had a poop on the potty (very exciting). Furthermore, in the past couple of days he tuggs on his diaper immeadiately after peeing, ok so I think I really need to start working with this kid here. Now if only he could figure out to tell me before he goes!

soo....

I woke him and the icecream...such a hit, I'm glad I woke him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and the fact that I would do anything to take some of this sadness away from him.

The services

for Sam's mom will be next Monday (26th), he will be leaving this Friday (23rd) and returning next Tuesday (27th). I wish I could take so much of his sorrow away. Right now I'm debating if I should wake him up, he requested ice cream and I went to the store to get said ice cream and when I got home about 10 minutes ago he was in the bedroom (I assumed putting the kids to sleep) but has yet to reemerge. I may just let him sleep, but HE LOVES bluberry and I found him some bluberry cheescake icecream that I know he'll love, and I bought him some york peppermint patties which are his favorite candy thats it I'm going to wake him!

William's getting new shoes

admist all the sad news in my life right now, I just won a brand new pair of pedipeds on ebay for William. They look like this and I saved about 10 dollars off of the regular retail price, I can't wait until we get them!

a tribute to Edith

Loosing Sam's mom yesterday was the hardest death I have been faced with to date in my life. Although she wasn't my mother, she loved me like I was her own, and I loved her equally as much. She was such an amazing woman, who looked to find the good in every situation, and never let anything, including cancer get her down. She was an amazing mother, to Sam, his older sister and older brother. Sam was her baby, he told be before she passed, that he will miss holding his mom's hand, and giving her kissses. That is an amazing bond that I hope my son and I will have into his adulthood.

Sam's Mom

Two days ago Sam's sister called and told us that they didn't think that Sam's mom would live until the end of the year. We immeadiately made arrangements to get him there ASAP, and he was scheduled to leave tomorrow to go and visit for a couple of days and say his goodbye's. This evening at 5:30 PM his sister called me to let me know that she had passed away. He is so sad, and my heart aches for him. I really can't write anymore right now but I just wanted to let you know.

Nathalie's having a baby....

actually she's having 10 babies, she informed me tonight that she currently has a very big belly because she has 5 baby boys and 5 baby girls in her belly. She also proceeded to tell me that it will hurt a lot when they come out!

92%

on my calculus midterm woo hoo! Just thought I'd share that with you all!

I've been tagged....7 wierd things

so yes, this is my very first time being tagged ever. Thanks to Sara at vegan momma

7 weird things...
1- Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2- Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 random or weird things
1. I love nothing more than a clean house; however that situation in my house is few and far between!
2. I was a vegatarian for quite a while (about 4 years) and when I became pregnant w/ Nathalie craved meat like you wouldn't believe
3. Most of my life I've felt like I don't really "fit in" and I still feel that way often, but the difference is that now I'm okay with that.
4.I am really good at remembering numbers, specifically telephone numbers and birthdays.
5. For as long as I can remember I wanted two kids (and now I have them, both) its just as amazing as I thought it would be.
6. I wish that I could be two places at once
7. I have 2 tattoos.

So honestly I don't know 7 people to tag, but if your reading this and you havent' been tagged consider yourself tagged. If you do it, or have done it leave me a comment letting me know so I can read your 7 things!

The things mom's get excited about!

William just went poop on the potty! and seriously I am utterly giddy, it could have been a fluke but I am still utterly giddy! Like jumping up and down running through the house, lets throw a fricken party giddy! Thats all.

JOY

By definition Joy is "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires". At this point in my life I have a lot of misfortune, lack of well-being, and lack of success. It doesn't get me down, because the joy in my life is complete by looking in the eyes of my children. At 1.5 and 3.5 they capture joy in its entirety. They are here to remind me that no matter what is negative in this world or my life, they are here to bring me joy on a daily basis!

my favorite new thing

that William does is nod his head and say "yeah" its adorable!

re:the new phone

my new green phone. trying again as the last link was not a stable one. If this doesnt then you'll just have to trust me when I say that it is cute!

please forgive me

I missed making today (err um) yesterdays post by 40 minutes but you should know that its due to the fact that I actually got to go out tonight! One of my sisters friends turned 30 so I joined them to celebrate I hope I'm excused. I also got a new phone today and yes I choose it because it was green!

Note to self

in next life sleep more before I have children. In this life enjoy every waking moment with them even if it means waking at 4 am...

Wednesday

Wednesdays are my long day. I work from 8 until 4 and then go to school until 10. I both love and hate Wednesdays. By the end of the day I'm so happy that its over as I only have school M-W so in a way its a "Friday" for me. But I also work W-Su (except Sa) so its also like a Monday for me. At least the week is halfway over after today!

My last midterm....of this semester

is tonight, in my Calculus class.....We didn't get our Organic Chemistry actual grades, yet, but Dr. Gergen's enlightened us that the class average was a 65 and the high was an 85, maybe there will be a 20 point curve? that would rock!

because now's my free moment

Nathalie is at school, and William and I just returned from a morning of errands: Henry's, the park, quick stop at Target and home. He's asleep (woo hoo) and although I have plenty of things to be doing (homework, cleaning etc). I don't know about you all but me on the days I go get groceries I have the hardest time deciding what I should eat, because it all sounds so good and I just want to eat as much as possible. For lunch, I just made myself a tuna pita (its sooo good, the best part are the orange flavored dried cranberries I got at henry's this am) and thought hmmm I better go post real quick while I have the time! Tonight I'm going to attempt to make a curry for dinner, hopefully the kids will like it, I know dh will eat whatever I make, but its the kids I wonder about, although knowing there is chicken in it should be enough to make Nathalie happy, Mabye Ill make them a not as spicy batch! Ok well I guess I should try and get a little else done while William is nappng!

18 months old

Today William is 18 months old! This recent shot of him in his halloween "little devil" hoodie could not be more appropriate! He is one crazy boy that keeps me going 100 % of the time. My baby boy is getting so big, and its amazing to imagine that he's been alive long enough for two more babies to be born (to me) could you imagine, having a newborn, a 9 month old and an 18 month old! HOLY COW, see and I thought I had it rough!

ssshhhh Willam's asleep

Tonight, not an easy night for sleep, I mean as far as getting William down.
I finally put him in the car and drove in under 2 minutes he was asleep. Thankfully he remained asleep upon exciting said car and entering bed. The good news is that we gain an extra hour tonight, of course thats assuming that said rough to sleep boy realizes the time changed. Ha.

3 yr old birthday party

Today we went to a birthday party for my good friend Michele's twin boys Tyler and Cole who are 3. It was barnyard themed and lots of fun, I am utterly exhausted but didn't want to let down my obligation to post everyday in the month of November!

Edith's Birthday

Today is Sam's moms birthday. She is 68 today. I called her about an hour ago and the joy in her voice made me tear up as I got off the phone. When Sam went up to visit her she had a heart attack which landed her back in the hospital. She was moved last week to a Rehab place, to help her try to walk again and things aren't looking good. The Rehab people and the cancer Dr both told Debbie (sam's sister) that they don't think Edith will ever walk again. She will not get any more chemo or radiation either, which I truly think is a good thing. I wish we were up there (in Oregon) to be with her, but with all thats going on in our life right now it would be so hard to just up and leave. I wanted to write this post just to say Happy birthday to Edith!

NaBloPoMo

November is National Blog posting month (in honor of National novel writing month) and although I'd love too I know that I can't write a novel in a month. So I am going to participate in NaBloPoMo, in which I will post every day for a whole month. Let's hope I have a lot to say, oh wait, I always have a lot to say!

Today was a rough day in mommy land, this morning Nat and Will were driving me up the wall so badly that I couldn't get out of the house fast enough to get to the park! We got there around 930. It went well (minus the minor heart attack William gave me when he tried to jump off of the top of a very tall play structure) until about 12 ish when things started to go down hill fast. Nathalie was playing on some bleachers w/ a friend and fell and got a big owie on her leg; while tending to her William fell on same bleachers and bit his lip. Needless to say this was our cue to go home; on the plus side William took a 3 hour nap when we got home!

so wish me luck on this ambitous venture of participating in NaBloPoMO

Life

its been pretty hectic lately. I'm in the middle of midterms, with two done this week and one to go next. I'm extremely sad that I didn't get to spend Halloween with my kids, but find joy in knowing that I DO get to attend Nathalie's Halloween carnival on Friday! Sam's car died on Monday and my dad says its terminal; this is pretty sad news as we truly cannot afford a second car right now and I keep having horrible visions of no more playgroups. Currently we have my dad's 2nd truck (he has a work one and a home one) and he thought he had a really good deal for us on an old used car that his bosses daughter currently has sitting in her drive way (while she drives around in a 2006 Mercedes...pretty sure she doesn't need the old wagon in her driveway right?) which is all I really need, other than when I drive to Alpine to work, but at those times I'd use my current car; but turns out the really good deal on the old used car may not happen as girl is not really ready to depart w/ it. I'm tired and stressed and want to win the lottery...If anyone wins, will they throw me just enough to get an older used car, and maybe a house?! Thanks in advance!

to wean or not to wean that is the question

I have nursed William for 17 and a half months, I have loved most of it, truly I have. The moments that he and I share nursing are almost always joyful. Recently (in the past month or so) our nursing relationship has not been on such friendly terms. He bites.hits.plays.etc.... Yesterday I nursed William very early in the morning (around 4 am) and decided, I would see how long we could go without nursing. It's currently been 42 hours. Yesterday I attended a natural family playgroup and discussed my situation and feelings with the moms there. One mom really put it into perspective for me, (she just recently weaned her 18 month old) by stating that she was resenting her lo, which isn't healthy for anyone in that relationship. When stepping out of my relationship with William I realized that thats exactly where I am right now. All that being said, I really think that William and I are going to work together to a non-nursing status in our relationship. It makes me sad, because he is my baby, but honestly (even if it does sound selfish). I need this in order to stay sane.

Quarter Life Crisis....

so I stumbled across the following:

The Quarter-Life Crisis "Being Twenty-Something". "They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading it, relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out !!?" -Author uknown

and seriously I had to post it!

Sam comes home tomorrow

and I can't wait. I miss him more than I thought I would, and not just because I want a second parent around (although thats a plus)I really miss him. His mom is back in the hospital as she had a heart attack,she should be released today or tomorrow. I know that for the remainder of her life we will be on a constant roller coaster ride.

17 months old

William is 17 months old! (October 4th was the official date) and today I took him for his WBC, he is 23 pounds and 33 & 1/2 inches. My baby boy is getting so big I cannot believe it. Here is a picture of him and Nathalie on her school picture day last wednesday! I was trying to get a shot of her and he ran up right next to her so I couldn't resist the cuteness!

The latest on Sam's mom (Edith)

This picture of Nathalie showing her grandma a crawdad from our trip to Oregon in August makes me happy. I'm so happy that I was able to take my kids to visit there grandma, despite the fact that dh couldn't make the trip. I'm so glad that Edith was able to enjoy her grandkinds and I for a few days.

I've been meaning to post an update for days and have not been able to find the time, besides the fact that the news we got wasn't good and so I've kind of been delaying talking about it. Turns out they cannot do surgery. The cancer that she has is fast moving and the doctors say she has about 6 to 12 months to live. They started chemotherapy and radiation, which I honestly don't think I would do if I was in her situation.but im not so who am i to say right?! Sam is devastated, it hurts me so bad to see my husband hurting so bad. He's leaving to go up there on Friday and he'll be staying for a week.

The other day I talked to my fil (Richard) for a few minutes on the phone and it made me so sad, this man has been married to this woman for 48 years and he's going to loose her, it devastates me. When I got off the phone Nathalie asked me why I was sad. I told her I was sad because Grandma is sick and in the hospital, and Nathalie said "It's okay mommy Grandma is going to get all better and then her will come and visit us and then you'll be happy." and that made me smile. I love my Nathalie.

Wine tasting

Here is a picture of my friend Shannon, myself and Kelly in the Limo on Wine tasting day! It was such a blast; really, I still can't believe that I'm 28!

My little betty crocker

as I mentioned in yesterdays post Nathalie insisted that since it was my birthday yesterday she needed to make me cupcakes, and she did. now for the pictures that I promised.

Sam's Mom Oh yeah and its my birthday

At the end of last week Sam's sister Debbie took his mom to the Dr's and they discovered a spot on her Lungs. THey put her on Zithromax thinking that it may be an infection. Saturday Debbie rushed her to the ER because she was slurring her speech really badly and they were thinking that maybe she had a stroke. Luckily no stroke was involved...However, they sent her for a follow up w/ her primary care on Tuesday. At the follow up Edith's doctor found another spot on her lungs and immeadiately had her admitted to the hospital. After perfoming an MRI, they realized that one of the two tumors in her lungs had a lesion and had broken off and lodged itself in her tempral lobe (BRAIN) which has been causing her severe headaches, as well as the slurring of her words. Today they went in through her nose and took tissue out of the lung tumors in order to run tests to see what kind of cancer this is and how far developed it is. The dr believes that the tumor in her brain may be removable by surgery but we won't find out for sure until tomorrow. so please think good thoughts and for those of you that pray PRAY hard.

Today is my 28th birthday, only 2 more years until 30. My daughter who is 3 insisted that I needed cupcakes for my birthday and that she needed to make them for me. And so she did. I measured everything out, she poured it into the bowl, mixed it herself with the mixer and scooped into the cupcake holders. I cooked them. and I took some pictures that I'll try to post tomorrow. Saturday I'm going wine tasting via limo with my mom, sister, and 5 friends and can't wait as I've never done that before.

My shoulder

This morning after dropping Nathalie off at school, William and I came back home and he was tired so I laid down w/ him to nap for a bit. When we woke up my shoulder hurt so bad, I figured I had just slept in a wrong position. I had an appt at 11 w/ my sister to get my hair done, so William and I went to her salon and then came back home until it was time to pick up Nathalie. After picking up Nathalie I was surprised that my shoulder still seemed to be in quite a bit of pain. I went to school and took my Calculus test and we got out a little early (around 830) at this time I thought maybe I should try to get into Kaiser Urgent care as the shoulder wasn't improving. Turns out it was partially dislocated! I could hardly believe it myself. Anyways, it's not too bad, just a little painful, but it'll heal.

Tired.

so monday, I was just busy, but now I'm tired. This week consisted of Playgroup Monday (just for William as Nathalie was at school) home for Will's nap, mom (thats me) cramming in as much homework during nap time as possible, a trip to trader joe's pick Nathalie up from school, home to make dinner (we had chicken fajitas that were delicious) and then off to school for me. My crazy husband went back to work after I got home from school at 1030, worked all night, came home Tuesday morning, showered, ate and headed back to work as he has inventory coming up so he's cramming in as much work as possible. Tuesday morning I took Nathalie to school, then William and I met my Grandma at La Mesa pool so she could work with him some (she's a swim instructor) and he loves the water, but not so much without me in it apparently so for his next attempt Grandma got clearance for me to get in with them. After his swim he took a monster 3 hour nap (LOVED IT) while I did homework and cleaned a little bit. Tuesday night was Calculus for me (oh boy). Wed I worked all day then schooled all night came home in time for hubby to pull another overnighter. Thursday I did laundry and cleaned; then worked from 6 to 10. Today (friday) William and I took Nathalie to school, then came home and I TOOK A NAP with him from about 930 to 1030 it was amazing, I honestly couldn't tell you if I tried the last time I took a nap. Then we met daddy at his dr's appt at 11:30 (follow up from his shoulder surgery). We then met up with Nana and Auntie for lunch, and made a quick trip to Target. Hubby called while we were lunching and was broken down on the side of the 67; lucky for me (and dh) my dad happened to be in Poway (and my dad rocks with cars). Shortly after William and I returned from Target, Sam came home to William and I nursing in front of the air conditioner (it was so hot), I picked Nathalie up from school alone (left Will with daddy) and the first thing she asked was "where's William?" I then went to work, and just got back. and to think this is only the 3rd week of the semester. love it really i do.

I'm a little busy...

I completely missed posting for William's 16 months back on the 4th! He is getting so big and I am truly enjoying the little bit of alone time I've been getting with him while Nathalie is in school! He goes through nursing phases, but most days he's nursing 2 to 3 times a day (the morning, nap and bedtime). However, when I'm at school he skips bedtime and wakes up around 2 to nurse. I miss Nathalie while she is in school. Today I thought about calling twice, but didn't, and did pick her up 20 minutes early! Ms. Bennett (her teacher) said that Nathalie was very good today, and she made a really cool green alligator! Starting at the end of Septemeber, we have the option of enrolling her in a dance class on Tuesdays from 3 to 340 at her school, and I think we are going to!

School for me is beginning its 3rd week today, and although its work, I truly enjoy being a student. Yes, I'm one of those. I love the sense of self it gives me. I truly enjoy learning new things, specifically things that I know are going to encourage my and my families future! I don't like the extra time it takes me away from them, but its all for the better in the end!

Preschool

Today was Nathalie's 1st day of Preschool! She loved it. She didn't cry when I left, and was excited when I came to pick her up, yet cried that she didn't get to stay at school! I didn't cry, I missed her, but I didn't cry! I can't believe my girl started school!