I know that I have so much to be thankful for

but right now I sit here in a silent house (Sam and the kids are sleeping) and I'm crying. I've tried so hard to be there for my husband who I love with all of my heart and soul as he suffers through this horrible loss of his mother; however, I lost her too. I loved his mother with so much of my being. She understood me, and understood how much I love her son. I would call her just to say Hi and tell her that I love her and right now I just don't feel like I did it often enough. Whenever I couldn't remember how long something should be cooked or at what temperature it was her I would call. Whenever one of her grandkids, that I birthed (her youngest 2 grandkids)would hit a milestone, I would call to share it with her. I loved her like she was my own mom. I loved her and now I have to learn to live without her. I know it will be harder for Sam to learn to live without the mother he grew up having for 44 years, but I can't imagine living without her forever, even though I've ony had her for 6.