Chirstmas is coming....

On Saturday, the kids and I went to Seaport Village with my Mom and Dad. While the kids were happily occupied by Nana and Papa, I snuck in some Christmas shopping at apple box toys. I bought William this pound a peg, (hopefully he wont pound Nathalie in the head), I also got him a couple of little wooden cars as stocking suffers. I got Nathalie, a wooden Jewelery box that plays music, she wouldn't leave it alone in the store w/ Nana, so I was tipped off that it would be something good to get her, I also got herthis wooden lace up shoe, as she's become obsessed with tieing shoes lately, so I thought this might help her learn! Nathalie and William both rode the carosel, and I took pictures but haven't uploaded them yet. We had lunch at Buster's Nathalie and William shared some noodles, plain, because Nathalie didn't want any marinara sauce, I had a really good grilled chicken sandwich, although Nathalie ate half. Nana bought Nathalie a special treat of hot chocolate before we left for the day. And William was asleep before we left the parking lot. I got Nathalie an advent calender at Trader Joe's last week, so we'll be counting down the days till Christmas, maybe her and daddy can put up the tree tonight while mommy is at school.

I can't believe I did this, and I heart rainy days

Yesterday was a really really really rough day on me. I don't specifically know why or how to explain it beyond the fact that I really think it was just the accumulation of everything recent. The topper was in regards to my calculus class. On Tuesday, I was unable to attend due to picking Sam up at the airport, considering the given facts that we have only 4 weeks left in the semester, I have had zero absences in any of my courses this semester, I have a very nice, open professor, and that I have a 93% in the class, I simply emailed her explaining my situation and requesting information regarding what I would miss that day. What I got in return was a heartfelt apology for all that my family is going through right now as well as sad, sad news, that as of Tuesday she was no longer our teacher, and that she was instructed not to talk to her students about this. To make a long story short, we have a new instructor, and excess hours to make up, which means the course I thought would be over on December 19th, will now continue through January. That is quite a bit of explanation; however, it was the straw that broke the camels back (that camel being me). And I called in sick to work last night. I simply told the truth, that I just couldn't handle it right now. That I was stressed beyond belief all of this while in tears. I can't believe I did it, but I really had had enough and just needed to stay home.
Fast forward today, I love that its raining out. I love that I took Nathalie to school this morning and proceeded to take a 2 hour nap with William. It's probably a good thing that I don't live where it rains a lot, somewhere like Seattle say, because I find the rain such a valid excuse to stay in sweats all day lounge around the house, and cuddle with my bubba boy all day long. However, I do have to go to work tonight, so at some point will have to change out of my comfy sweats and slippers, but still I heart that it rained today.

10 things I love about my kids

1.) No matter what, they can make me smile. It is an unbelievable gift that they contain and I can not explain in words how it makes me feel.

2.)That they truly love one another. That they interact with one another and that Nathalie "talks" to William and he actually responds.

3.)Always having somebody to Hug, Kiss, Hold, Embrace, Cuddle with.

4.)They make me want to do better in life, to acheive greatness for their sake.

5.)They trust that everything I say is so.

6.)I love how Nathalie, is just starting to realize what Christmas is and the joy she portrays when she talks about it encapsulates a childs excitement to the extreme.

7.)I love to see their face light up and them run to either Sam or I when we come home after a long day/or night at work.

8.)Their wildness in exploration, their desire to discover the unknow.

9.)The constant thirst for knowledge, Why? What is that? Where are we going? How do we get there? At times it can be consuming, but I love that Nathalie, and even William want to learn so much about everything.

10.)To know that I created these two beautiful beings, and that I am responsible for them for the rest of our lives. It scares me but I love it nonetheless.

Happy Birthday to Nichole

Today my little sister is 27, I say it like she's so much younger than me, when in reality we are only 14 months apart. Party like its 1999.

Update on the car accident, and Sam is coming home tonight

Here is the link to the article of the horrible accident Sam's family was in last night. To clarify a few things, His cousin Bev is Geep's (george) wife. And Lillian is his Aunt Punkin. His cousin Bronwyn is arriving to Oregon this afternoon to be with her mother.

It gets worse

Seriously. I've had enough. I believe my husband has been through enough, losing both his Aunt and Mom to cancer only 7 weeks apart and then BAMM it gets worse. As has been previously mentioned he was scheduled to come home tomorrow. Notice the past tense in the previous sentence. He called me around 10 o'clock tonight and said "honey I'm not coming home tomorrow, I already called Abdul(his district manager)" I replied with, "Sam thats not funny" and unfortunately I wish he'd been joking. He continued to tell me that there was a seriously bad car accident. His Aunt Punkin (nickname) and cousin Bev were (are) locally hospitalized in McMinville. As of right now I know that his cousin Bev has 2 broken legs and his other two cousins were life flighted to Portland, one is dead. I cannot believe this. I will keep you all posted as we find out more details.

Sam's 4th day gone, the funeral.

Today has been a really good day. Both of my kids slept in until 8 am, which was a huge plus considering that I stayed up until 2 am doing homework. They had a super simple breakfast this morning (read mom was lazy) of yogurt and fruit. We all got dressed and William and I dropped Nathalie off at school at 9. After dropping Nathalie at school William and I stopped at Target to get a few things. One of which was this really cool Metal dump truck. Although it wasn't on our list I couldn't pass it up for 10 dollars. I'm going to save it for him for christmas. After Target Wiliam and I went to playgroup arriving early around 9:30 and we left at noon. He fell asleep on the way home, and is still sleeping (its 3). I'm going to have to go pick up Nathalie in just a few minutes, which will mean William will wake up but thats okay he has been sleeping for nearly 3 hours.
Sam called not to long ago and said the services for his mom were really nice. He couldn't talk long as they were at the burial, but it was nice to hear him, and he honestly sounded happy. I really think today will help him to gain a lot of closer on the situation. He comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.
I have school until 10 tonight and then am hoping to get some more cleaning around the house done so that Sam doesn't come home to a disaster zone tomorrow.

Sam's 3rd day gone, a rough one for him

Today I worked all day and just got home (after being gone from our house since Thursday). Thankfully my parents fed my kids dinner, and although I have a ton of homework (including a midterm) due tomorrow, right now I am just sitting here typing this letting the kids watch a little TV (christmas movie). Somehow I don't think tonight will be as easy to get them to bed, but I'm hoping for at least 9 o'clock, we'll see.

Well now its 10 pm and both kids are in bed. Nathalie was asleep by 8:45 and William just wasn't quite ready so I played with him for an extra hour, hoping to bide myself a more restful night. Anyways, I just realized that I never elaborated on today being rough for Sam. Tomorrow is the funeral. Today was the viewing, and no Sam did not go look at his dead mother in her casket. I honestly do not blame him. I called him on my lunch break from work and he was so sad. He was sitting outside of the funeral home while his Dad, Sister, Brother, Nephews (who are adults btw) were inside looking at his dead mother. He said he just couldn't stand the morbidity of the situation. He said that at night his Dad just cries and Sam wishes he could comfort him after loosing his love of 50 years. Furthermore, the week or so before Edith passed away Richard(Sam's dad) was sick with the 'flu', the night before she passed away was the first night he got to go stay with her in over a week. At the beginning of this week he was coughing up blood. Turns out they are going to do a biopsy on a mass in his lungs next week. Sam said that Richard said that if its cancer he just wants to die so that he can go be with his wife. I know that today was a rough day for my husband, and I can only imagine how hard tomorrow will be.

Sam's 2nd day gone

Today was again not to rough with the kids, they played hard all day today (which probably helped) we spent it again at my mom and dad's and will once again spend the night as I have to work tomorrow and didn't want to wake them super early to trek up to my parents. Tonight William was in bed before 8 and Nathalie was asleep at 8:30.

Sam's 1st day gone

I took him to the airport early this morning, leaving the kids asleep at my mom and dad's. Although we stayed at my parents all day, it was rough, as if the kids could sense that daddy was gone, and more than just gone to work. William did go pee pee on the potty for the first time tonight. I was getting ready to put him in the bath tub and he pointed at the potty and said uh uh I put him up on the potty and he went woo hoo. I finally got the kids to sleep around 9 after an hour long battle, often times I just give up, but tonight I fought the battle knowing that they were as exhausted as I was and I eventually won the battle!

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for

but right now I sit here in a silent house (Sam and the kids are sleeping) and I'm crying. I've tried so hard to be there for my husband who I love with all of my heart and soul as he suffers through this horrible loss of his mother; however, I lost her too. I loved his mother with so much of my being. She understood me, and understood how much I love her son. I would call her just to say Hi and tell her that I love her and right now I just don't feel like I did it often enough. Whenever I couldn't remember how long something should be cooked or at what temperature it was her I would call. Whenever one of her grandkids, that I birthed (her youngest 2 grandkids)would hit a milestone, I would call to share it with her. I loved her like she was my own mom. I loved her and now I have to learn to live without her. I know it will be harder for Sam to learn to live without the mother he grew up having for 44 years, but I can't imagine living without her forever, even though I've ony had her for 6.

Nathalie's 1st night without mommy and daddy (well almost)

Last Friday (the night Sam's mom died) my sister offered to take Nathalie for the night, as in over nigt so that Nathalie didn't have to be around to see Sam in his ultimate sadness. Knowing that my sis lives only a mile away I figured it was worth a shot. Around 1030 Dantie (thats what nathalie calls my sis) called me and said she was fighting sleep, so I asked if she wanted me to come get her and my sister said no that she was fine. I fell asleep around 11, and woke at 1230 to my sister calling me again, that Nathalie would still not sleep, so I picked her up, brought her home and the instant she hit the pillow in bed next to Daddy and brother she fell straight asleep.

ramblings....

Just a couple of rambling thoughts on my mind today.......
First is the fact that my Ochem class is by far one of the most labor intensive classes I have ever taken. I have taken numerous college level courses ( I do have my BA after all). This week we don't have school, due to the thanksgiving holiday; however, we have a take home midterm, and two online quizzes to do. So far 1 quiz is complete (yeah me) and yesterday a group of 4 of us worked on the midterm from 530ish until after midnight and it is still not finished! The good news is that the semester ends December 19th and then I don't start next semester until the end of January, earning me a whole month off! Woohoo.
Next is tomorrow. We are going to get our family photos taken for the holidays. This is actually our first family portrait as a family of 4. That is unless you count the one of us the night before William was born. Unfortunately one of my kids (or maybe me) have misplaced my camera, so my best option will be linking to their website. I was kind of worried that with all that has happened with Sam this week that he wouldn't neccisarrily be up to getting our pictures done tomorrow, but he wants to do it which makes me soo happy!

adventures in potty learning starring William

If anyone would have told me 6 months ago when Nathalie was fully trained that William would show an eagerness at 18 months I would have laughed in their face. However, as I mentioned once last week we had a poop on the potty (very exciting). Furthermore, in the past couple of days he tuggs on his diaper immeadiately after peeing, ok so I think I really need to start working with this kid here. Now if only he could figure out to tell me before he goes!

soo....

I woke him and the icecream...such a hit, I'm glad I woke him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and the fact that I would do anything to take some of this sadness away from him.

The services

for Sam's mom will be next Monday (26th), he will be leaving this Friday (23rd) and returning next Tuesday (27th). I wish I could take so much of his sorrow away. Right now I'm debating if I should wake him up, he requested ice cream and I went to the store to get said ice cream and when I got home about 10 minutes ago he was in the bedroom (I assumed putting the kids to sleep) but has yet to reemerge. I may just let him sleep, but HE LOVES bluberry and I found him some bluberry cheescake icecream that I know he'll love, and I bought him some york peppermint patties which are his favorite candy thats it I'm going to wake him!

William's getting new shoes

admist all the sad news in my life right now, I just won a brand new pair of pedipeds on ebay for William. They look like this and I saved about 10 dollars off of the regular retail price, I can't wait until we get them!

a tribute to Edith

Loosing Sam's mom yesterday was the hardest death I have been faced with to date in my life. Although she wasn't my mother, she loved me like I was her own, and I loved her equally as much. She was such an amazing woman, who looked to find the good in every situation, and never let anything, including cancer get her down. She was an amazing mother, to Sam, his older sister and older brother. Sam was her baby, he told be before she passed, that he will miss holding his mom's hand, and giving her kissses. That is an amazing bond that I hope my son and I will have into his adulthood.

Sam's Mom

Two days ago Sam's sister called and told us that they didn't think that Sam's mom would live until the end of the year. We immeadiately made arrangements to get him there ASAP, and he was scheduled to leave tomorrow to go and visit for a couple of days and say his goodbye's. This evening at 5:30 PM his sister called me to let me know that she had passed away. He is so sad, and my heart aches for him. I really can't write anymore right now but I just wanted to let you know.