What have I done this year?

Way back in January, I posted this uber list of goals for the year, so which ones have I actually accomplished or made a dent in? Let's recap!

1.) No I still don't workout, and I at least walk with the kids once every 2 weeks but have made a valiant effort to go to the park at least 2 times a week!
2.) I have been eating a lot less junk, have been using a lot more Organic, and have definitely decreassed my horrible addiction to diet coke, I'm almost completely weaned, lol.
3.)Cooking more healthily indeed, see above. I know there is still plenty of room for improvement, as of now, we have cut out all red meat and are slowly working on birds too. I'm hoping by January to be mostly on veggies, with fish here and there as that is something that dh and I really enjoy.
4.)Health of dh re: his shoulder surgery, we (he) made it through with flying colors.
5.)I still haven't had the physical.
6.)I went to the dentist in July and am due again, okay I'll call them tomorrow.
7.&8. Not quite up to 4 nights a week of cooking, its hard with my schedule; and regarding the new recipes, its probably more like 1 a month.
9.)Sam has given up alcohol all together, which is much larger than I ever began imaginable, and it has definitely made our family stronger.
10.)Nathalie aka Ms. Independence, I really don't think she needs extra support in this department.
11.) With the passing of Sam's mom we've definitely come to cherish every moment more and more.
12.)We do get out of the house more than 3 days a week, Nathalie being in school goes 3 days a week. William and I try to go to playgroups on Mondays and or Tuesdays, and we all three go on Thursdays. Also we spend Saturdays and Sundays at Nanas and Papas.
13.) LIMIT TV we were doing really well with this and then had a bit of a relapse, but are getting back on track.
14.)LISTEN to my children's needs, I'm really trying on this one
15.)Take a trip together just the 4 of us. no one else. Not yet, but we're hoping for January, so almost made it
15.)Yell less, praise more (apply to both dh and dc's)--With dh its gotten a lot easier, since he stopped drinking, don't get me wrong he wasnt a druken bastard or anything like that, but he'd have a couple beers, sometimes more, a night, and wouldn't do anything.
16. Read at least 1 book a month, Well if Organic Chemistry text books and Calculus text books count then I definitely have accomlished this one too lol.
17.)Make me time...Well, it may not be once every month, but I have been getting more "me" time than last year most definitely
18.)SPEND LESS.....SAVE MORE need to work on this more
19.) I feel like my patience is increasing
20.)the boxes are decluttered
21.)Do dishes daily, do not let them go for an extra day or two--um still working on this one
22.)definitely doing better on the laundry front.
23.)done in the kids department, still need to work on our clothes
24.)we went out just the two of us on Sam's birthday, January 30th hey at least it was once this year.

19 months!

Today, William is 19 months old. He's now closer to 2 than 1, and that makes me a little sad. After dropping Nathalie of at preschool this am he and I headed to the park, we had a wonderful day playing. He just fell asleep eating in his high chair, I've never had a kid do that before lol its funny. I took a pic, but since I just uploaded pics, Ill get that one up later.

Chirstmas is coming....

On Saturday, the kids and I went to Seaport Village with my Mom and Dad. While the kids were happily occupied by Nana and Papa, I snuck in some Christmas shopping at apple box toys. I bought William this pound a peg, (hopefully he wont pound Nathalie in the head), I also got him a couple of little wooden cars as stocking suffers. I got Nathalie, a wooden Jewelery box that plays music, she wouldn't leave it alone in the store w/ Nana, so I was tipped off that it would be something good to get her, I also got herthis wooden lace up shoe, as she's become obsessed with tieing shoes lately, so I thought this might help her learn! Nathalie and William both rode the carosel, and I took pictures but haven't uploaded them yet. We had lunch at Buster's Nathalie and William shared some noodles, plain, because Nathalie didn't want any marinara sauce, I had a really good grilled chicken sandwich, although Nathalie ate half. Nana bought Nathalie a special treat of hot chocolate before we left for the day. And William was asleep before we left the parking lot. I got Nathalie an advent calender at Trader Joe's last week, so we'll be counting down the days till Christmas, maybe her and daddy can put up the tree tonight while mommy is at school.

I can't believe I did this, and I heart rainy days

Yesterday was a really really really rough day on me. I don't specifically know why or how to explain it beyond the fact that I really think it was just the accumulation of everything recent. The topper was in regards to my calculus class. On Tuesday, I was unable to attend due to picking Sam up at the airport, considering the given facts that we have only 4 weeks left in the semester, I have had zero absences in any of my courses this semester, I have a very nice, open professor, and that I have a 93% in the class, I simply emailed her explaining my situation and requesting information regarding what I would miss that day. What I got in return was a heartfelt apology for all that my family is going through right now as well as sad, sad news, that as of Tuesday she was no longer our teacher, and that she was instructed not to talk to her students about this. To make a long story short, we have a new instructor, and excess hours to make up, which means the course I thought would be over on December 19th, will now continue through January. That is quite a bit of explanation; however, it was the straw that broke the camels back (that camel being me). And I called in sick to work last night. I simply told the truth, that I just couldn't handle it right now. That I was stressed beyond belief all of this while in tears. I can't believe I did it, but I really had had enough and just needed to stay home.
Fast forward today, I love that its raining out. I love that I took Nathalie to school this morning and proceeded to take a 2 hour nap with William. It's probably a good thing that I don't live where it rains a lot, somewhere like Seattle say, because I find the rain such a valid excuse to stay in sweats all day lounge around the house, and cuddle with my bubba boy all day long. However, I do have to go to work tonight, so at some point will have to change out of my comfy sweats and slippers, but still I heart that it rained today.

10 things I love about my kids

1.) No matter what, they can make me smile. It is an unbelievable gift that they contain and I can not explain in words how it makes me feel.

2.)That they truly love one another. That they interact with one another and that Nathalie "talks" to William and he actually responds.

3.)Always having somebody to Hug, Kiss, Hold, Embrace, Cuddle with.

4.)They make me want to do better in life, to acheive greatness for their sake.

5.)They trust that everything I say is so.

6.)I love how Nathalie, is just starting to realize what Christmas is and the joy she portrays when she talks about it encapsulates a childs excitement to the extreme.

7.)I love to see their face light up and them run to either Sam or I when we come home after a long day/or night at work.

8.)Their wildness in exploration, their desire to discover the unknow.

9.)The constant thirst for knowledge, Why? What is that? Where are we going? How do we get there? At times it can be consuming, but I love that Nathalie, and even William want to learn so much about everything.

10.)To know that I created these two beautiful beings, and that I am responsible for them for the rest of our lives. It scares me but I love it nonetheless.

Happy Birthday to Nichole

Today my little sister is 27, I say it like she's so much younger than me, when in reality we are only 14 months apart. Party like its 1999.

Update on the car accident, and Sam is coming home tonight

Here is the link to the article of the horrible accident Sam's family was in last night. To clarify a few things, His cousin Bev is Geep's (george) wife. And Lillian is his Aunt Punkin. His cousin Bronwyn is arriving to Oregon this afternoon to be with her mother.

It gets worse

Seriously. I've had enough. I believe my husband has been through enough, losing both his Aunt and Mom to cancer only 7 weeks apart and then BAMM it gets worse. As has been previously mentioned he was scheduled to come home tomorrow. Notice the past tense in the previous sentence. He called me around 10 o'clock tonight and said "honey I'm not coming home tomorrow, I already called Abdul(his district manager)" I replied with, "Sam thats not funny" and unfortunately I wish he'd been joking. He continued to tell me that there was a seriously bad car accident. His Aunt Punkin (nickname) and cousin Bev were (are) locally hospitalized in McMinville. As of right now I know that his cousin Bev has 2 broken legs and his other two cousins were life flighted to Portland, one is dead. I cannot believe this. I will keep you all posted as we find out more details.

Sam's 4th day gone, the funeral.

Today has been a really good day. Both of my kids slept in until 8 am, which was a huge plus considering that I stayed up until 2 am doing homework. They had a super simple breakfast this morning (read mom was lazy) of yogurt and fruit. We all got dressed and William and I dropped Nathalie off at school at 9. After dropping Nathalie at school William and I stopped at Target to get a few things. One of which was this really cool Metal dump truck. Although it wasn't on our list I couldn't pass it up for 10 dollars. I'm going to save it for him for christmas. After Target Wiliam and I went to playgroup arriving early around 9:30 and we left at noon. He fell asleep on the way home, and is still sleeping (its 3). I'm going to have to go pick up Nathalie in just a few minutes, which will mean William will wake up but thats okay he has been sleeping for nearly 3 hours.
Sam called not to long ago and said the services for his mom were really nice. He couldn't talk long as they were at the burial, but it was nice to hear him, and he honestly sounded happy. I really think today will help him to gain a lot of closer on the situation. He comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.
I have school until 10 tonight and then am hoping to get some more cleaning around the house done so that Sam doesn't come home to a disaster zone tomorrow.

Sam's 3rd day gone, a rough one for him

Today I worked all day and just got home (after being gone from our house since Thursday). Thankfully my parents fed my kids dinner, and although I have a ton of homework (including a midterm) due tomorrow, right now I am just sitting here typing this letting the kids watch a little TV (christmas movie). Somehow I don't think tonight will be as easy to get them to bed, but I'm hoping for at least 9 o'clock, we'll see.

Well now its 10 pm and both kids are in bed. Nathalie was asleep by 8:45 and William just wasn't quite ready so I played with him for an extra hour, hoping to bide myself a more restful night. Anyways, I just realized that I never elaborated on today being rough for Sam. Tomorrow is the funeral. Today was the viewing, and no Sam did not go look at his dead mother in her casket. I honestly do not blame him. I called him on my lunch break from work and he was so sad. He was sitting outside of the funeral home while his Dad, Sister, Brother, Nephews (who are adults btw) were inside looking at his dead mother. He said he just couldn't stand the morbidity of the situation. He said that at night his Dad just cries and Sam wishes he could comfort him after loosing his love of 50 years. Furthermore, the week or so before Edith passed away Richard(Sam's dad) was sick with the 'flu', the night before she passed away was the first night he got to go stay with her in over a week. At the beginning of this week he was coughing up blood. Turns out they are going to do a biopsy on a mass in his lungs next week. Sam said that Richard said that if its cancer he just wants to die so that he can go be with his wife. I know that today was a rough day for my husband, and I can only imagine how hard tomorrow will be.

Sam's 2nd day gone

Today was again not to rough with the kids, they played hard all day today (which probably helped) we spent it again at my mom and dad's and will once again spend the night as I have to work tomorrow and didn't want to wake them super early to trek up to my parents. Tonight William was in bed before 8 and Nathalie was asleep at 8:30.

Sam's 1st day gone

I took him to the airport early this morning, leaving the kids asleep at my mom and dad's. Although we stayed at my parents all day, it was rough, as if the kids could sense that daddy was gone, and more than just gone to work. William did go pee pee on the potty for the first time tonight. I was getting ready to put him in the bath tub and he pointed at the potty and said uh uh I put him up on the potty and he went woo hoo. I finally got the kids to sleep around 9 after an hour long battle, often times I just give up, but tonight I fought the battle knowing that they were as exhausted as I was and I eventually won the battle!

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for

but right now I sit here in a silent house (Sam and the kids are sleeping) and I'm crying. I've tried so hard to be there for my husband who I love with all of my heart and soul as he suffers through this horrible loss of his mother; however, I lost her too. I loved his mother with so much of my being. She understood me, and understood how much I love her son. I would call her just to say Hi and tell her that I love her and right now I just don't feel like I did it often enough. Whenever I couldn't remember how long something should be cooked or at what temperature it was her I would call. Whenever one of her grandkids, that I birthed (her youngest 2 grandkids)would hit a milestone, I would call to share it with her. I loved her like she was my own mom. I loved her and now I have to learn to live without her. I know it will be harder for Sam to learn to live without the mother he grew up having for 44 years, but I can't imagine living without her forever, even though I've ony had her for 6.

Nathalie's 1st night without mommy and daddy (well almost)

Last Friday (the night Sam's mom died) my sister offered to take Nathalie for the night, as in over nigt so that Nathalie didn't have to be around to see Sam in his ultimate sadness. Knowing that my sis lives only a mile away I figured it was worth a shot. Around 1030 Dantie (thats what nathalie calls my sis) called me and said she was fighting sleep, so I asked if she wanted me to come get her and my sister said no that she was fine. I fell asleep around 11, and woke at 1230 to my sister calling me again, that Nathalie would still not sleep, so I picked her up, brought her home and the instant she hit the pillow in bed next to Daddy and brother she fell straight asleep.

ramblings....

Just a couple of rambling thoughts on my mind today.......
First is the fact that my Ochem class is by far one of the most labor intensive classes I have ever taken. I have taken numerous college level courses ( I do have my BA after all). This week we don't have school, due to the thanksgiving holiday; however, we have a take home midterm, and two online quizzes to do. So far 1 quiz is complete (yeah me) and yesterday a group of 4 of us worked on the midterm from 530ish until after midnight and it is still not finished! The good news is that the semester ends December 19th and then I don't start next semester until the end of January, earning me a whole month off! Woohoo.
Next is tomorrow. We are going to get our family photos taken for the holidays. This is actually our first family portrait as a family of 4. That is unless you count the one of us the night before William was born. Unfortunately one of my kids (or maybe me) have misplaced my camera, so my best option will be linking to their website. I was kind of worried that with all that has happened with Sam this week that he wouldn't neccisarrily be up to getting our pictures done tomorrow, but he wants to do it which makes me soo happy!

adventures in potty learning starring William

If anyone would have told me 6 months ago when Nathalie was fully trained that William would show an eagerness at 18 months I would have laughed in their face. However, as I mentioned once last week we had a poop on the potty (very exciting). Furthermore, in the past couple of days he tuggs on his diaper immeadiately after peeing, ok so I think I really need to start working with this kid here. Now if only he could figure out to tell me before he goes!

soo....

I woke him and the icecream...such a hit, I'm glad I woke him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and the fact that I would do anything to take some of this sadness away from him.

The services

for Sam's mom will be next Monday (26th), he will be leaving this Friday (23rd) and returning next Tuesday (27th). I wish I could take so much of his sorrow away. Right now I'm debating if I should wake him up, he requested ice cream and I went to the store to get said ice cream and when I got home about 10 minutes ago he was in the bedroom (I assumed putting the kids to sleep) but has yet to reemerge. I may just let him sleep, but HE LOVES bluberry and I found him some bluberry cheescake icecream that I know he'll love, and I bought him some york peppermint patties which are his favorite candy thats it I'm going to wake him!

William's getting new shoes

admist all the sad news in my life right now, I just won a brand new pair of pedipeds on ebay for William. They look like this and I saved about 10 dollars off of the regular retail price, I can't wait until we get them!

a tribute to Edith

Loosing Sam's mom yesterday was the hardest death I have been faced with to date in my life. Although she wasn't my mother, she loved me like I was her own, and I loved her equally as much. She was such an amazing woman, who looked to find the good in every situation, and never let anything, including cancer get her down. She was an amazing mother, to Sam, his older sister and older brother. Sam was her baby, he told be before she passed, that he will miss holding his mom's hand, and giving her kissses. That is an amazing bond that I hope my son and I will have into his adulthood.

Sam's Mom

Two days ago Sam's sister called and told us that they didn't think that Sam's mom would live until the end of the year. We immeadiately made arrangements to get him there ASAP, and he was scheduled to leave tomorrow to go and visit for a couple of days and say his goodbye's. This evening at 5:30 PM his sister called me to let me know that she had passed away. He is so sad, and my heart aches for him. I really can't write anymore right now but I just wanted to let you know.

Nathalie's having a baby....

actually she's having 10 babies, she informed me tonight that she currently has a very big belly because she has 5 baby boys and 5 baby girls in her belly. She also proceeded to tell me that it will hurt a lot when they come out!

92%

on my calculus midterm woo hoo! Just thought I'd share that with you all!

I've been tagged....7 wierd things

so yes, this is my very first time being tagged ever. Thanks to Sara at vegan momma

7 weird things...
1- Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2- Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 random or weird things
1. I love nothing more than a clean house; however that situation in my house is few and far between!
2. I was a vegatarian for quite a while (about 4 years) and when I became pregnant w/ Nathalie craved meat like you wouldn't believe
3. Most of my life I've felt like I don't really "fit in" and I still feel that way often, but the difference is that now I'm okay with that.
4.I am really good at remembering numbers, specifically telephone numbers and birthdays.
5. For as long as I can remember I wanted two kids (and now I have them, both) its just as amazing as I thought it would be.
6. I wish that I could be two places at once
7. I have 2 tattoos.

So honestly I don't know 7 people to tag, but if your reading this and you havent' been tagged consider yourself tagged. If you do it, or have done it leave me a comment letting me know so I can read your 7 things!

The things mom's get excited about!

William just went poop on the potty! and seriously I am utterly giddy, it could have been a fluke but I am still utterly giddy! Like jumping up and down running through the house, lets throw a fricken party giddy! Thats all.

JOY

By definition Joy is "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires". At this point in my life I have a lot of misfortune, lack of well-being, and lack of success. It doesn't get me down, because the joy in my life is complete by looking in the eyes of my children. At 1.5 and 3.5 they capture joy in its entirety. They are here to remind me that no matter what is negative in this world or my life, they are here to bring me joy on a daily basis!

my favorite new thing

that William does is nod his head and say "yeah" its adorable!

re:the new phone

my new green phone. trying again as the last link was not a stable one. If this doesnt then you'll just have to trust me when I say that it is cute!

please forgive me

I missed making today (err um) yesterdays post by 40 minutes but you should know that its due to the fact that I actually got to go out tonight! One of my sisters friends turned 30 so I joined them to celebrate I hope I'm excused. I also got a new phone today and yes I choose it because it was green!

Note to self

in next life sleep more before I have children. In this life enjoy every waking moment with them even if it means waking at 4 am...

Wednesday

Wednesdays are my long day. I work from 8 until 4 and then go to school until 10. I both love and hate Wednesdays. By the end of the day I'm so happy that its over as I only have school M-W so in a way its a "Friday" for me. But I also work W-Su (except Sa) so its also like a Monday for me. At least the week is halfway over after today!

My last midterm....of this semester

is tonight, in my Calculus class.....We didn't get our Organic Chemistry actual grades, yet, but Dr. Gergen's enlightened us that the class average was a 65 and the high was an 85, maybe there will be a 20 point curve? that would rock!

because now's my free moment

Nathalie is at school, and William and I just returned from a morning of errands: Henry's, the park, quick stop at Target and home. He's asleep (woo hoo) and although I have plenty of things to be doing (homework, cleaning etc). I don't know about you all but me on the days I go get groceries I have the hardest time deciding what I should eat, because it all sounds so good and I just want to eat as much as possible. For lunch, I just made myself a tuna pita (its sooo good, the best part are the orange flavored dried cranberries I got at henry's this am) and thought hmmm I better go post real quick while I have the time! Tonight I'm going to attempt to make a curry for dinner, hopefully the kids will like it, I know dh will eat whatever I make, but its the kids I wonder about, although knowing there is chicken in it should be enough to make Nathalie happy, Mabye Ill make them a not as spicy batch! Ok well I guess I should try and get a little else done while William is nappng!

18 months old

Today William is 18 months old! This recent shot of him in his halloween "little devil" hoodie could not be more appropriate! He is one crazy boy that keeps me going 100 % of the time. My baby boy is getting so big, and its amazing to imagine that he's been alive long enough for two more babies to be born (to me) could you imagine, having a newborn, a 9 month old and an 18 month old! HOLY COW, see and I thought I had it rough!

ssshhhh Willam's asleep

Tonight, not an easy night for sleep, I mean as far as getting William down.
I finally put him in the car and drove in under 2 minutes he was asleep. Thankfully he remained asleep upon exciting said car and entering bed. The good news is that we gain an extra hour tonight, of course thats assuming that said rough to sleep boy realizes the time changed. Ha.

3 yr old birthday party

Today we went to a birthday party for my good friend Michele's twin boys Tyler and Cole who are 3. It was barnyard themed and lots of fun, I am utterly exhausted but didn't want to let down my obligation to post everyday in the month of November!

Edith's Birthday

Today is Sam's moms birthday. She is 68 today. I called her about an hour ago and the joy in her voice made me tear up as I got off the phone. When Sam went up to visit her she had a heart attack which landed her back in the hospital. She was moved last week to a Rehab place, to help her try to walk again and things aren't looking good. The Rehab people and the cancer Dr both told Debbie (sam's sister) that they don't think Edith will ever walk again. She will not get any more chemo or radiation either, which I truly think is a good thing. I wish we were up there (in Oregon) to be with her, but with all thats going on in our life right now it would be so hard to just up and leave. I wanted to write this post just to say Happy birthday to Edith!

NaBloPoMo

November is National Blog posting month (in honor of National novel writing month) and although I'd love too I know that I can't write a novel in a month. So I am going to participate in NaBloPoMo, in which I will post every day for a whole month. Let's hope I have a lot to say, oh wait, I always have a lot to say!

Today was a rough day in mommy land, this morning Nat and Will were driving me up the wall so badly that I couldn't get out of the house fast enough to get to the park! We got there around 930. It went well (minus the minor heart attack William gave me when he tried to jump off of the top of a very tall play structure) until about 12 ish when things started to go down hill fast. Nathalie was playing on some bleachers w/ a friend and fell and got a big owie on her leg; while tending to her William fell on same bleachers and bit his lip. Needless to say this was our cue to go home; on the plus side William took a 3 hour nap when we got home!

so wish me luck on this ambitous venture of participating in NaBloPoMO

Life

its been pretty hectic lately. I'm in the middle of midterms, with two done this week and one to go next. I'm extremely sad that I didn't get to spend Halloween with my kids, but find joy in knowing that I DO get to attend Nathalie's Halloween carnival on Friday! Sam's car died on Monday and my dad says its terminal; this is pretty sad news as we truly cannot afford a second car right now and I keep having horrible visions of no more playgroups. Currently we have my dad's 2nd truck (he has a work one and a home one) and he thought he had a really good deal for us on an old used car that his bosses daughter currently has sitting in her drive way (while she drives around in a 2006 Mercedes...pretty sure she doesn't need the old wagon in her driveway right?) which is all I really need, other than when I drive to Alpine to work, but at those times I'd use my current car; but turns out the really good deal on the old used car may not happen as girl is not really ready to depart w/ it. I'm tired and stressed and want to win the lottery...If anyone wins, will they throw me just enough to get an older used car, and maybe a house?! Thanks in advance!

to wean or not to wean that is the question

I have nursed William for 17 and a half months, I have loved most of it, truly I have. The moments that he and I share nursing are almost always joyful. Recently (in the past month or so) our nursing relationship has not been on such friendly terms. He bites.hits.plays.etc.... Yesterday I nursed William very early in the morning (around 4 am) and decided, I would see how long we could go without nursing. It's currently been 42 hours. Yesterday I attended a natural family playgroup and discussed my situation and feelings with the moms there. One mom really put it into perspective for me, (she just recently weaned her 18 month old) by stating that she was resenting her lo, which isn't healthy for anyone in that relationship. When stepping out of my relationship with William I realized that thats exactly where I am right now. All that being said, I really think that William and I are going to work together to a non-nursing status in our relationship. It makes me sad, because he is my baby, but honestly (even if it does sound selfish). I need this in order to stay sane.

Quarter Life Crisis....

so I stumbled across the following:

The Quarter-Life Crisis "Being Twenty-Something". "They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading it, relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out !!?" -Author uknown

and seriously I had to post it!

Sam comes home tomorrow

and I can't wait. I miss him more than I thought I would, and not just because I want a second parent around (although thats a plus)I really miss him. His mom is back in the hospital as she had a heart attack,she should be released today or tomorrow. I know that for the remainder of her life we will be on a constant roller coaster ride.

17 months old

William is 17 months old! (October 4th was the official date) and today I took him for his WBC, he is 23 pounds and 33 & 1/2 inches. My baby boy is getting so big I cannot believe it. Here is a picture of him and Nathalie on her school picture day last wednesday! I was trying to get a shot of her and he ran up right next to her so I couldn't resist the cuteness!

The latest on Sam's mom (Edith)

This picture of Nathalie showing her grandma a crawdad from our trip to Oregon in August makes me happy. I'm so happy that I was able to take my kids to visit there grandma, despite the fact that dh couldn't make the trip. I'm so glad that Edith was able to enjoy her grandkinds and I for a few days.

I've been meaning to post an update for days and have not been able to find the time, besides the fact that the news we got wasn't good and so I've kind of been delaying talking about it. Turns out they cannot do surgery. The cancer that she has is fast moving and the doctors say she has about 6 to 12 months to live. They started chemotherapy and radiation, which I honestly don't think I would do if I was in her situation.but im not so who am i to say right?! Sam is devastated, it hurts me so bad to see my husband hurting so bad. He's leaving to go up there on Friday and he'll be staying for a week.

The other day I talked to my fil (Richard) for a few minutes on the phone and it made me so sad, this man has been married to this woman for 48 years and he's going to loose her, it devastates me. When I got off the phone Nathalie asked me why I was sad. I told her I was sad because Grandma is sick and in the hospital, and Nathalie said "It's okay mommy Grandma is going to get all better and then her will come and visit us and then you'll be happy." and that made me smile. I love my Nathalie.

Wine tasting

Here is a picture of my friend Shannon, myself and Kelly in the Limo on Wine tasting day! It was such a blast; really, I still can't believe that I'm 28!

My little betty crocker

as I mentioned in yesterdays post Nathalie insisted that since it was my birthday yesterday she needed to make me cupcakes, and she did. now for the pictures that I promised.

Sam's Mom Oh yeah and its my birthday

At the end of last week Sam's sister Debbie took his mom to the Dr's and they discovered a spot on her Lungs. THey put her on Zithromax thinking that it may be an infection. Saturday Debbie rushed her to the ER because she was slurring her speech really badly and they were thinking that maybe she had a stroke. Luckily no stroke was involved...However, they sent her for a follow up w/ her primary care on Tuesday. At the follow up Edith's doctor found another spot on her lungs and immeadiately had her admitted to the hospital. After perfoming an MRI, they realized that one of the two tumors in her lungs had a lesion and had broken off and lodged itself in her tempral lobe (BRAIN) which has been causing her severe headaches, as well as the slurring of her words. Today they went in through her nose and took tissue out of the lung tumors in order to run tests to see what kind of cancer this is and how far developed it is. The dr believes that the tumor in her brain may be removable by surgery but we won't find out for sure until tomorrow. so please think good thoughts and for those of you that pray PRAY hard.

Today is my 28th birthday, only 2 more years until 30. My daughter who is 3 insisted that I needed cupcakes for my birthday and that she needed to make them for me. And so she did. I measured everything out, she poured it into the bowl, mixed it herself with the mixer and scooped into the cupcake holders. I cooked them. and I took some pictures that I'll try to post tomorrow. Saturday I'm going wine tasting via limo with my mom, sister, and 5 friends and can't wait as I've never done that before.

My shoulder

This morning after dropping Nathalie off at school, William and I came back home and he was tired so I laid down w/ him to nap for a bit. When we woke up my shoulder hurt so bad, I figured I had just slept in a wrong position. I had an appt at 11 w/ my sister to get my hair done, so William and I went to her salon and then came back home until it was time to pick up Nathalie. After picking up Nathalie I was surprised that my shoulder still seemed to be in quite a bit of pain. I went to school and took my Calculus test and we got out a little early (around 830) at this time I thought maybe I should try to get into Kaiser Urgent care as the shoulder wasn't improving. Turns out it was partially dislocated! I could hardly believe it myself. Anyways, it's not too bad, just a little painful, but it'll heal.

Tired.

so monday, I was just busy, but now I'm tired. This week consisted of Playgroup Monday (just for William as Nathalie was at school) home for Will's nap, mom (thats me) cramming in as much homework during nap time as possible, a trip to trader joe's pick Nathalie up from school, home to make dinner (we had chicken fajitas that were delicious) and then off to school for me. My crazy husband went back to work after I got home from school at 1030, worked all night, came home Tuesday morning, showered, ate and headed back to work as he has inventory coming up so he's cramming in as much work as possible. Tuesday morning I took Nathalie to school, then William and I met my Grandma at La Mesa pool so she could work with him some (she's a swim instructor) and he loves the water, but not so much without me in it apparently so for his next attempt Grandma got clearance for me to get in with them. After his swim he took a monster 3 hour nap (LOVED IT) while I did homework and cleaned a little bit. Tuesday night was Calculus for me (oh boy). Wed I worked all day then schooled all night came home in time for hubby to pull another overnighter. Thursday I did laundry and cleaned; then worked from 6 to 10. Today (friday) William and I took Nathalie to school, then came home and I TOOK A NAP with him from about 930 to 1030 it was amazing, I honestly couldn't tell you if I tried the last time I took a nap. Then we met daddy at his dr's appt at 11:30 (follow up from his shoulder surgery). We then met up with Nana and Auntie for lunch, and made a quick trip to Target. Hubby called while we were lunching and was broken down on the side of the 67; lucky for me (and dh) my dad happened to be in Poway (and my dad rocks with cars). Shortly after William and I returned from Target, Sam came home to William and I nursing in front of the air conditioner (it was so hot), I picked Nathalie up from school alone (left Will with daddy) and the first thing she asked was "where's William?" I then went to work, and just got back. and to think this is only the 3rd week of the semester. love it really i do.

I'm a little busy...

I completely missed posting for William's 16 months back on the 4th! He is getting so big and I am truly enjoying the little bit of alone time I've been getting with him while Nathalie is in school! He goes through nursing phases, but most days he's nursing 2 to 3 times a day (the morning, nap and bedtime). However, when I'm at school he skips bedtime and wakes up around 2 to nurse. I miss Nathalie while she is in school. Today I thought about calling twice, but didn't, and did pick her up 20 minutes early! Ms. Bennett (her teacher) said that Nathalie was very good today, and she made a really cool green alligator! Starting at the end of Septemeber, we have the option of enrolling her in a dance class on Tuesdays from 3 to 340 at her school, and I think we are going to!

School for me is beginning its 3rd week today, and although its work, I truly enjoy being a student. Yes, I'm one of those. I love the sense of self it gives me. I truly enjoy learning new things, specifically things that I know are going to encourage my and my families future! I don't like the extra time it takes me away from them, but its all for the better in the end!

Preschool

Today was Nathalie's 1st day of Preschool! She loved it. She didn't cry when I left, and was excited when I came to pick her up, yet cried that she didn't get to stay at school! I didn't cry, I missed her, but I didn't cry! I can't believe my girl started school!

We are back

We are back from our vacation and it was lots of fun. The airplane wasn't too much fun, but it all worked out and we are home! Hubby has my car today, with all my luggage in it, including my camera. So once I get that back I'll give more detailed posts of the fun we had!

Vacation Day 2

This morning we woke up and the kids were so excited to have kix for breakfast! We drove to Portland today (about an hour away) to visit my sister's best friend Rita who just had a baby and who also has a 2 year old daughter. The kids got to play at the park (YEAH) and feed ducks! They both fell asleep on the drive back (WOO HOO). After gathering a few things together from Debbie's house we drove out to the campground and ended up starting our camping trip a day early! The private park we are staying at is so beautiful! There's a huge field. A sandbox. A swingset. A river (down aways, so the kids wont just fall in). A huge firepit. Working plumbing if you know what I mean! Just a beautiful place and Nathalie is sooo excited to be here!

Vacation--Day 1

This morning I woke up at 4 am to get ready to go the airport, I woke up Sam around 4:30 and we carried the kids down to the car and were out the door by 4:45 which was my goal (woo hoo). Southwest was fantastic and provided Sam with a pass so that he was actually able to help me all the way onto the plane with the kids! William fell asleep before we even took off; and Nathalie couldn't have been more excited! We touched down in San Jose (but did not have to get off the plane) and as we took back off William awoke (I'm guessing due to his ears) and was fussy. I tried everything to soothe him and he wouldn't even nurse! The flight attendent was amazing and helped me to get him calmed down. The rest of the flight went well. My sisterinlaw picked us up at the airport. We stopped to eat on the way back to her house (both the kids were asleep so we drove through and ate in the car). We took a trip to Walmart to get a few things and then stayed in the rest of that night, I made Spaghetti for his sister, nephew, brother, mom and dad.