I can't believe I did this, and I heart rainy days

Yesterday was a really really really rough day on me. I don't specifically know why or how to explain it beyond the fact that I really think it was just the accumulation of everything recent. The topper was in regards to my calculus class. On Tuesday, I was unable to attend due to picking Sam up at the airport, considering the given facts that we have only 4 weeks left in the semester, I have had zero absences in any of my courses this semester, I have a very nice, open professor, and that I have a 93% in the class, I simply emailed her explaining my situation and requesting information regarding what I would miss that day. What I got in return was a heartfelt apology for all that my family is going through right now as well as sad, sad news, that as of Tuesday she was no longer our teacher, and that she was instructed not to talk to her students about this. To make a long story short, we have a new instructor, and excess hours to make up, which means the course I thought would be over on December 19th, will now continue through January. That is quite a bit of explanation; however, it was the straw that broke the camels back (that camel being me). And I called in sick to work last night. I simply told the truth, that I just couldn't handle it right now. That I was stressed beyond belief all of this while in tears. I can't believe I did it, but I really had had enough and just needed to stay home.
Fast forward today, I love that its raining out. I love that I took Nathalie to school this morning and proceeded to take a 2 hour nap with William. It's probably a good thing that I don't live where it rains a lot, somewhere like Seattle say, because I find the rain such a valid excuse to stay in sweats all day lounge around the house, and cuddle with my bubba boy all day long. However, I do have to go to work tonight, so at some point will have to change out of my comfy sweats and slippers, but still I heart that it rained today.

10 things I love about my kids

1.) No matter what, they can make me smile. It is an unbelievable gift that they contain and I can not explain in words how it makes me feel.

2.)That they truly love one another. That they interact with one another and that Nathalie "talks" to William and he actually responds.

3.)Always having somebody to Hug, Kiss, Hold, Embrace, Cuddle with.

4.)They make me want to do better in life, to acheive greatness for their sake.

5.)They trust that everything I say is so.

6.)I love how Nathalie, is just starting to realize what Christmas is and the joy she portrays when she talks about it encapsulates a childs excitement to the extreme.

7.)I love to see their face light up and them run to either Sam or I when we come home after a long day/or night at work.

8.)Their wildness in exploration, their desire to discover the unknow.

9.)The constant thirst for knowledge, Why? What is that? Where are we going? How do we get there? At times it can be consuming, but I love that Nathalie, and even William want to learn so much about everything.

10.)To know that I created these two beautiful beings, and that I am responsible for them for the rest of our lives. It scares me but I love it nonetheless.

Happy Birthday to Nichole

Today my little sister is 27, I say it like she's so much younger than me, when in reality we are only 14 months apart. Party like its 1999.

Update on the car accident, and Sam is coming home tonight

Here is the link to the article of the horrible accident Sam's family was in last night. To clarify a few things, His cousin Bev is Geep's (george) wife. And Lillian is his Aunt Punkin. His cousin Bronwyn is arriving to Oregon this afternoon to be with her mother.

It gets worse

Seriously. I've had enough. I believe my husband has been through enough, losing both his Aunt and Mom to cancer only 7 weeks apart and then BAMM it gets worse. As has been previously mentioned he was scheduled to come home tomorrow. Notice the past tense in the previous sentence. He called me around 10 o'clock tonight and said "honey I'm not coming home tomorrow, I already called Abdul(his district manager)" I replied with, "Sam thats not funny" and unfortunately I wish he'd been joking. He continued to tell me that there was a seriously bad car accident. His Aunt Punkin (nickname) and cousin Bev were (are) locally hospitalized in McMinville. As of right now I know that his cousin Bev has 2 broken legs and his other two cousins were life flighted to Portland, one is dead. I cannot believe this. I will keep you all posted as we find out more details.

Sam's 4th day gone, the funeral.

Today has been a really good day. Both of my kids slept in until 8 am, which was a huge plus considering that I stayed up until 2 am doing homework. They had a super simple breakfast this morning (read mom was lazy) of yogurt and fruit. We all got dressed and William and I dropped Nathalie off at school at 9. After dropping Nathalie at school William and I stopped at Target to get a few things. One of which was this really cool Metal dump truck. Although it wasn't on our list I couldn't pass it up for 10 dollars. I'm going to save it for him for christmas. After Target Wiliam and I went to playgroup arriving early around 9:30 and we left at noon. He fell asleep on the way home, and is still sleeping (its 3). I'm going to have to go pick up Nathalie in just a few minutes, which will mean William will wake up but thats okay he has been sleeping for nearly 3 hours.
Sam called not to long ago and said the services for his mom were really nice. He couldn't talk long as they were at the burial, but it was nice to hear him, and he honestly sounded happy. I really think today will help him to gain a lot of closer on the situation. He comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.
I have school until 10 tonight and then am hoping to get some more cleaning around the house done so that Sam doesn't come home to a disaster zone tomorrow.

Sam's 3rd day gone, a rough one for him

Today I worked all day and just got home (after being gone from our house since Thursday). Thankfully my parents fed my kids dinner, and although I have a ton of homework (including a midterm) due tomorrow, right now I am just sitting here typing this letting the kids watch a little TV (christmas movie). Somehow I don't think tonight will be as easy to get them to bed, but I'm hoping for at least 9 o'clock, we'll see.

Well now its 10 pm and both kids are in bed. Nathalie was asleep by 8:45 and William just wasn't quite ready so I played with him for an extra hour, hoping to bide myself a more restful night. Anyways, I just realized that I never elaborated on today being rough for Sam. Tomorrow is the funeral. Today was the viewing, and no Sam did not go look at his dead mother in her casket. I honestly do not blame him. I called him on my lunch break from work and he was so sad. He was sitting outside of the funeral home while his Dad, Sister, Brother, Nephews (who are adults btw) were inside looking at his dead mother. He said he just couldn't stand the morbidity of the situation. He said that at night his Dad just cries and Sam wishes he could comfort him after loosing his love of 50 years. Furthermore, the week or so before Edith passed away Richard(Sam's dad) was sick with the 'flu', the night before she passed away was the first night he got to go stay with her in over a week. At the beginning of this week he was coughing up blood. Turns out they are going to do a biopsy on a mass in his lungs next week. Sam said that Richard said that if its cancer he just wants to die so that he can go be with his wife. I know that today was a rough day for my husband, and I can only imagine how hard tomorrow will be.

Sam's 2nd day gone

Today was again not to rough with the kids, they played hard all day today (which probably helped) we spent it again at my mom and dad's and will once again spend the night as I have to work tomorrow and didn't want to wake them super early to trek up to my parents. Tonight William was in bed before 8 and Nathalie was asleep at 8:30.

Sam's 1st day gone

I took him to the airport early this morning, leaving the kids asleep at my mom and dad's. Although we stayed at my parents all day, it was rough, as if the kids could sense that daddy was gone, and more than just gone to work. William did go pee pee on the potty for the first time tonight. I was getting ready to put him in the bath tub and he pointed at the potty and said uh uh I put him up on the potty and he went woo hoo. I finally got the kids to sleep around 9 after an hour long battle, often times I just give up, but tonight I fought the battle knowing that they were as exhausted as I was and I eventually won the battle!

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have.

I know that I have so much to be thankful for

but right now I sit here in a silent house (Sam and the kids are sleeping) and I'm crying. I've tried so hard to be there for my husband who I love with all of my heart and soul as he suffers through this horrible loss of his mother; however, I lost her too. I loved his mother with so much of my being. She understood me, and understood how much I love her son. I would call her just to say Hi and tell her that I love her and right now I just don't feel like I did it often enough. Whenever I couldn't remember how long something should be cooked or at what temperature it was her I would call. Whenever one of her grandkids, that I birthed (her youngest 2 grandkids)would hit a milestone, I would call to share it with her. I loved her like she was my own mom. I loved her and now I have to learn to live without her. I know it will be harder for Sam to learn to live without the mother he grew up having for 44 years, but I can't imagine living without her forever, even though I've ony had her for 6.

Nathalie's 1st night without mommy and daddy (well almost)

Last Friday (the night Sam's mom died) my sister offered to take Nathalie for the night, as in over nigt so that Nathalie didn't have to be around to see Sam in his ultimate sadness. Knowing that my sis lives only a mile away I figured it was worth a shot. Around 1030 Dantie (thats what nathalie calls my sis) called me and said she was fighting sleep, so I asked if she wanted me to come get her and my sister said no that she was fine. I fell asleep around 11, and woke at 1230 to my sister calling me again, that Nathalie would still not sleep, so I picked her up, brought her home and the instant she hit the pillow in bed next to Daddy and brother she fell straight asleep.

ramblings....

Just a couple of rambling thoughts on my mind today.......
First is the fact that my Ochem class is by far one of the most labor intensive classes I have ever taken. I have taken numerous college level courses ( I do have my BA after all). This week we don't have school, due to the thanksgiving holiday; however, we have a take home midterm, and two online quizzes to do. So far 1 quiz is complete (yeah me) and yesterday a group of 4 of us worked on the midterm from 530ish until after midnight and it is still not finished! The good news is that the semester ends December 19th and then I don't start next semester until the end of January, earning me a whole month off! Woohoo.
Next is tomorrow. We are going to get our family photos taken for the holidays. This is actually our first family portrait as a family of 4. That is unless you count the one of us the night before William was born. Unfortunately one of my kids (or maybe me) have misplaced my camera, so my best option will be linking to their website. I was kind of worried that with all that has happened with Sam this week that he wouldn't neccisarrily be up to getting our pictures done tomorrow, but he wants to do it which makes me soo happy!

adventures in potty learning starring William

If anyone would have told me 6 months ago when Nathalie was fully trained that William would show an eagerness at 18 months I would have laughed in their face. However, as I mentioned once last week we had a poop on the potty (very exciting). Furthermore, in the past couple of days he tuggs on his diaper immeadiately after peeing, ok so I think I really need to start working with this kid here. Now if only he could figure out to tell me before he goes!

soo....

I woke him and the icecream...such a hit, I'm glad I woke him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and the fact that I would do anything to take some of this sadness away from him.

The services

for Sam's mom will be next Monday (26th), he will be leaving this Friday (23rd) and returning next Tuesday (27th). I wish I could take so much of his sorrow away. Right now I'm debating if I should wake him up, he requested ice cream and I went to the store to get said ice cream and when I got home about 10 minutes ago he was in the bedroom (I assumed putting the kids to sleep) but has yet to reemerge. I may just let him sleep, but HE LOVES bluberry and I found him some bluberry cheescake icecream that I know he'll love, and I bought him some york peppermint patties which are his favorite candy thats it I'm going to wake him!

William's getting new shoes

admist all the sad news in my life right now, I just won a brand new pair of pedipeds on ebay for William. They look like this and I saved about 10 dollars off of the regular retail price, I can't wait until we get them!

a tribute to Edith

Loosing Sam's mom yesterday was the hardest death I have been faced with to date in my life. Although she wasn't my mother, she loved me like I was her own, and I loved her equally as much. She was such an amazing woman, who looked to find the good in every situation, and never let anything, including cancer get her down. She was an amazing mother, to Sam, his older sister and older brother. Sam was her baby, he told be before she passed, that he will miss holding his mom's hand, and giving her kissses. That is an amazing bond that I hope my son and I will have into his adulthood.

Sam's Mom

Two days ago Sam's sister called and told us that they didn't think that Sam's mom would live until the end of the year. We immeadiately made arrangements to get him there ASAP, and he was scheduled to leave tomorrow to go and visit for a couple of days and say his goodbye's. This evening at 5:30 PM his sister called me to let me know that she had passed away. He is so sad, and my heart aches for him. I really can't write anymore right now but I just wanted to let you know.

Nathalie's having a baby....

actually she's having 10 babies, she informed me tonight that she currently has a very big belly because she has 5 baby boys and 5 baby girls in her belly. She also proceeded to tell me that it will hurt a lot when they come out!

92%

on my calculus midterm woo hoo! Just thought I'd share that with you all!

I've been tagged....7 wierd things

so yes, this is my very first time being tagged ever. Thanks to Sara at vegan momma

7 weird things...
1- Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2- Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 random or weird things
1. I love nothing more than a clean house; however that situation in my house is few and far between!
2. I was a vegatarian for quite a while (about 4 years) and when I became pregnant w/ Nathalie craved meat like you wouldn't believe
3. Most of my life I've felt like I don't really "fit in" and I still feel that way often, but the difference is that now I'm okay with that.
4.I am really good at remembering numbers, specifically telephone numbers and birthdays.
5. For as long as I can remember I wanted two kids (and now I have them, both) its just as amazing as I thought it would be.
6. I wish that I could be two places at once
7. I have 2 tattoos.

So honestly I don't know 7 people to tag, but if your reading this and you havent' been tagged consider yourself tagged. If you do it, or have done it leave me a comment letting me know so I can read your 7 things!

The things mom's get excited about!

William just went poop on the potty! and seriously I am utterly giddy, it could have been a fluke but I am still utterly giddy! Like jumping up and down running through the house, lets throw a fricken party giddy! Thats all.

JOY

By definition Joy is "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires". At this point in my life I have a lot of misfortune, lack of well-being, and lack of success. It doesn't get me down, because the joy in my life is complete by looking in the eyes of my children. At 1.5 and 3.5 they capture joy in its entirety. They are here to remind me that no matter what is negative in this world or my life, they are here to bring me joy on a daily basis!

my favorite new thing

that William does is nod his head and say "yeah" its adorable!

re:the new phone

my new green phone. trying again as the last link was not a stable one. If this doesnt then you'll just have to trust me when I say that it is cute!

please forgive me

I missed making today (err um) yesterdays post by 40 minutes but you should know that its due to the fact that I actually got to go out tonight! One of my sisters friends turned 30 so I joined them to celebrate I hope I'm excused. I also got a new phone today and yes I choose it because it was green!

Note to self

in next life sleep more before I have children. In this life enjoy every waking moment with them even if it means waking at 4 am...

Wednesday

Wednesdays are my long day. I work from 8 until 4 and then go to school until 10. I both love and hate Wednesdays. By the end of the day I'm so happy that its over as I only have school M-W so in a way its a "Friday" for me. But I also work W-Su (except Sa) so its also like a Monday for me. At least the week is halfway over after today!

My last midterm....of this semester

is tonight, in my Calculus class.....We didn't get our Organic Chemistry actual grades, yet, but Dr. Gergen's enlightened us that the class average was a 65 and the high was an 85, maybe there will be a 20 point curve? that would rock!

because now's my free moment

Nathalie is at school, and William and I just returned from a morning of errands: Henry's, the park, quick stop at Target and home. He's asleep (woo hoo) and although I have plenty of things to be doing (homework, cleaning etc). I don't know about you all but me on the days I go get groceries I have the hardest time deciding what I should eat, because it all sounds so good and I just want to eat as much as possible. For lunch, I just made myself a tuna pita (its sooo good, the best part are the orange flavored dried cranberries I got at henry's this am) and thought hmmm I better go post real quick while I have the time! Tonight I'm going to attempt to make a curry for dinner, hopefully the kids will like it, I know dh will eat whatever I make, but its the kids I wonder about, although knowing there is chicken in it should be enough to make Nathalie happy, Mabye Ill make them a not as spicy batch! Ok well I guess I should try and get a little else done while William is nappng!

18 months old

Today William is 18 months old! This recent shot of him in his halloween "little devil" hoodie could not be more appropriate! He is one crazy boy that keeps me going 100 % of the time. My baby boy is getting so big, and its amazing to imagine that he's been alive long enough for two more babies to be born (to me) could you imagine, having a newborn, a 9 month old and an 18 month old! HOLY COW, see and I thought I had it rough!

ssshhhh Willam's asleep

Tonight, not an easy night for sleep, I mean as far as getting William down.
I finally put him in the car and drove in under 2 minutes he was asleep. Thankfully he remained asleep upon exciting said car and entering bed. The good news is that we gain an extra hour tonight, of course thats assuming that said rough to sleep boy realizes the time changed. Ha.

3 yr old birthday party

Today we went to a birthday party for my good friend Michele's twin boys Tyler and Cole who are 3. It was barnyard themed and lots of fun, I am utterly exhausted but didn't want to let down my obligation to post everyday in the month of November!

Edith's Birthday

Today is Sam's moms birthday. She is 68 today. I called her about an hour ago and the joy in her voice made me tear up as I got off the phone. When Sam went up to visit her she had a heart attack which landed her back in the hospital. She was moved last week to a Rehab place, to help her try to walk again and things aren't looking good. The Rehab people and the cancer Dr both told Debbie (sam's sister) that they don't think Edith will ever walk again. She will not get any more chemo or radiation either, which I truly think is a good thing. I wish we were up there (in Oregon) to be with her, but with all thats going on in our life right now it would be so hard to just up and leave. I wanted to write this post just to say Happy birthday to Edith!

NaBloPoMo

November is National Blog posting month (in honor of National novel writing month) and although I'd love too I know that I can't write a novel in a month. So I am going to participate in NaBloPoMo, in which I will post every day for a whole month. Let's hope I have a lot to say, oh wait, I always have a lot to say!

Today was a rough day in mommy land, this morning Nat and Will were driving me up the wall so badly that I couldn't get out of the house fast enough to get to the park! We got there around 930. It went well (minus the minor heart attack William gave me when he tried to jump off of the top of a very tall play structure) until about 12 ish when things started to go down hill fast. Nathalie was playing on some bleachers w/ a friend and fell and got a big owie on her leg; while tending to her William fell on same bleachers and bit his lip. Needless to say this was our cue to go home; on the plus side William took a 3 hour nap when we got home!

so wish me luck on this ambitous venture of participating in NaBloPoMO