Life

its been pretty hectic lately. I'm in the middle of midterms, with two done this week and one to go next. I'm extremely sad that I didn't get to spend Halloween with my kids, but find joy in knowing that I DO get to attend Nathalie's Halloween carnival on Friday! Sam's car died on Monday and my dad says its terminal; this is pretty sad news as we truly cannot afford a second car right now and I keep having horrible visions of no more playgroups. Currently we have my dad's 2nd truck (he has a work one and a home one) and he thought he had a really good deal for us on an old used car that his bosses daughter currently has sitting in her drive way (while she drives around in a 2006 Mercedes...pretty sure she doesn't need the old wagon in her driveway right?) which is all I really need, other than when I drive to Alpine to work, but at those times I'd use my current car; but turns out the really good deal on the old used car may not happen as girl is not really ready to depart w/ it. I'm tired and stressed and want to win the lottery...If anyone wins, will they throw me just enough to get an older used car, and maybe a house?! Thanks in advance!

to wean or not to wean that is the question

I have nursed William for 17 and a half months, I have loved most of it, truly I have. The moments that he and I share nursing are almost always joyful. Recently (in the past month or so) our nursing relationship has not been on such friendly terms. He bites.hits.plays.etc.... Yesterday I nursed William very early in the morning (around 4 am) and decided, I would see how long we could go without nursing. It's currently been 42 hours. Yesterday I attended a natural family playgroup and discussed my situation and feelings with the moms there. One mom really put it into perspective for me, (she just recently weaned her 18 month old) by stating that she was resenting her lo, which isn't healthy for anyone in that relationship. When stepping out of my relationship with William I realized that thats exactly where I am right now. All that being said, I really think that William and I are going to work together to a non-nursing status in our relationship. It makes me sad, because he is my baby, but honestly (even if it does sound selfish). I need this in order to stay sane.

Quarter Life Crisis....

so I stumbled across the following:

The Quarter-Life Crisis "Being Twenty-Something". "They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading it, relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out !!?" -Author uknown

and seriously I had to post it!

Sam comes home tomorrow

and I can't wait. I miss him more than I thought I would, and not just because I want a second parent around (although thats a plus)I really miss him. His mom is back in the hospital as she had a heart attack,she should be released today or tomorrow. I know that for the remainder of her life we will be on a constant roller coaster ride.

17 months old

William is 17 months old! (October 4th was the official date) and today I took him for his WBC, he is 23 pounds and 33 & 1/2 inches. My baby boy is getting so big I cannot believe it. Here is a picture of him and Nathalie on her school picture day last wednesday! I was trying to get a shot of her and he ran up right next to her so I couldn't resist the cuteness!

The latest on Sam's mom (Edith)

This picture of Nathalie showing her grandma a crawdad from our trip to Oregon in August makes me happy. I'm so happy that I was able to take my kids to visit there grandma, despite the fact that dh couldn't make the trip. I'm so glad that Edith was able to enjoy her grandkinds and I for a few days.

I've been meaning to post an update for days and have not been able to find the time, besides the fact that the news we got wasn't good and so I've kind of been delaying talking about it. Turns out they cannot do surgery. The cancer that she has is fast moving and the doctors say she has about 6 to 12 months to live. They started chemotherapy and radiation, which I honestly don't think I would do if I was in her situation.but im not so who am i to say right?! Sam is devastated, it hurts me so bad to see my husband hurting so bad. He's leaving to go up there on Friday and he'll be staying for a week.

The other day I talked to my fil (Richard) for a few minutes on the phone and it made me so sad, this man has been married to this woman for 48 years and he's going to loose her, it devastates me. When I got off the phone Nathalie asked me why I was sad. I told her I was sad because Grandma is sick and in the hospital, and Nathalie said "It's okay mommy Grandma is going to get all better and then her will come and visit us and then you'll be happy." and that made me smile. I love my Nathalie.

Wine tasting

Here is a picture of my friend Shannon, myself and Kelly in the Limo on Wine tasting day! It was such a blast; really, I still can't believe that I'm 28!

My little betty crocker

as I mentioned in yesterdays post Nathalie insisted that since it was my birthday yesterday she needed to make me cupcakes, and she did. now for the pictures that I promised.

Sam's Mom Oh yeah and its my birthday

At the end of last week Sam's sister Debbie took his mom to the Dr's and they discovered a spot on her Lungs. THey put her on Zithromax thinking that it may be an infection. Saturday Debbie rushed her to the ER because she was slurring her speech really badly and they were thinking that maybe she had a stroke. Luckily no stroke was involved...However, they sent her for a follow up w/ her primary care on Tuesday. At the follow up Edith's doctor found another spot on her lungs and immeadiately had her admitted to the hospital. After perfoming an MRI, they realized that one of the two tumors in her lungs had a lesion and had broken off and lodged itself in her tempral lobe (BRAIN) which has been causing her severe headaches, as well as the slurring of her words. Today they went in through her nose and took tissue out of the lung tumors in order to run tests to see what kind of cancer this is and how far developed it is. The dr believes that the tumor in her brain may be removable by surgery but we won't find out for sure until tomorrow. so please think good thoughts and for those of you that pray PRAY hard.

Today is my 28th birthday, only 2 more years until 30. My daughter who is 3 insisted that I needed cupcakes for my birthday and that she needed to make them for me. And so she did. I measured everything out, she poured it into the bowl, mixed it herself with the mixer and scooped into the cupcake holders. I cooked them. and I took some pictures that I'll try to post tomorrow. Saturday I'm going wine tasting via limo with my mom, sister, and 5 friends and can't wait as I've never done that before.

My shoulder

This morning after dropping Nathalie off at school, William and I came back home and he was tired so I laid down w/ him to nap for a bit. When we woke up my shoulder hurt so bad, I figured I had just slept in a wrong position. I had an appt at 11 w/ my sister to get my hair done, so William and I went to her salon and then came back home until it was time to pick up Nathalie. After picking up Nathalie I was surprised that my shoulder still seemed to be in quite a bit of pain. I went to school and took my Calculus test and we got out a little early (around 830) at this time I thought maybe I should try to get into Kaiser Urgent care as the shoulder wasn't improving. Turns out it was partially dislocated! I could hardly believe it myself. Anyways, it's not too bad, just a little painful, but it'll heal.

Tired.

so monday, I was just busy, but now I'm tired. This week consisted of Playgroup Monday (just for William as Nathalie was at school) home for Will's nap, mom (thats me) cramming in as much homework during nap time as possible, a trip to trader joe's pick Nathalie up from school, home to make dinner (we had chicken fajitas that were delicious) and then off to school for me. My crazy husband went back to work after I got home from school at 1030, worked all night, came home Tuesday morning, showered, ate and headed back to work as he has inventory coming up so he's cramming in as much work as possible. Tuesday morning I took Nathalie to school, then William and I met my Grandma at La Mesa pool so she could work with him some (she's a swim instructor) and he loves the water, but not so much without me in it apparently so for his next attempt Grandma got clearance for me to get in with them. After his swim he took a monster 3 hour nap (LOVED IT) while I did homework and cleaned a little bit. Tuesday night was Calculus for me (oh boy). Wed I worked all day then schooled all night came home in time for hubby to pull another overnighter. Thursday I did laundry and cleaned; then worked from 6 to 10. Today (friday) William and I took Nathalie to school, then came home and I TOOK A NAP with him from about 930 to 1030 it was amazing, I honestly couldn't tell you if I tried the last time I took a nap. Then we met daddy at his dr's appt at 11:30 (follow up from his shoulder surgery). We then met up with Nana and Auntie for lunch, and made a quick trip to Target. Hubby called while we were lunching and was broken down on the side of the 67; lucky for me (and dh) my dad happened to be in Poway (and my dad rocks with cars). Shortly after William and I returned from Target, Sam came home to William and I nursing in front of the air conditioner (it was so hot), I picked Nathalie up from school alone (left Will with daddy) and the first thing she asked was "where's William?" I then went to work, and just got back. and to think this is only the 3rd week of the semester. love it really i do.

I'm a little busy...

I completely missed posting for William's 16 months back on the 4th! He is getting so big and I am truly enjoying the little bit of alone time I've been getting with him while Nathalie is in school! He goes through nursing phases, but most days he's nursing 2 to 3 times a day (the morning, nap and bedtime). However, when I'm at school he skips bedtime and wakes up around 2 to nurse. I miss Nathalie while she is in school. Today I thought about calling twice, but didn't, and did pick her up 20 minutes early! Ms. Bennett (her teacher) said that Nathalie was very good today, and she made a really cool green alligator! Starting at the end of Septemeber, we have the option of enrolling her in a dance class on Tuesdays from 3 to 340 at her school, and I think we are going to!

School for me is beginning its 3rd week today, and although its work, I truly enjoy being a student. Yes, I'm one of those. I love the sense of self it gives me. I truly enjoy learning new things, specifically things that I know are going to encourage my and my families future! I don't like the extra time it takes me away from them, but its all for the better in the end!

Preschool

Today was Nathalie's 1st day of Preschool! She loved it. She didn't cry when I left, and was excited when I came to pick her up, yet cried that she didn't get to stay at school! I didn't cry, I missed her, but I didn't cry! I can't believe my girl started school!

We are back

We are back from our vacation and it was lots of fun. The airplane wasn't too much fun, but it all worked out and we are home! Hubby has my car today, with all my luggage in it, including my camera. So once I get that back I'll give more detailed posts of the fun we had!

Vacation Day 2

This morning we woke up and the kids were so excited to have kix for breakfast! We drove to Portland today (about an hour away) to visit my sister's best friend Rita who just had a baby and who also has a 2 year old daughter. The kids got to play at the park (YEAH) and feed ducks! They both fell asleep on the drive back (WOO HOO). After gathering a few things together from Debbie's house we drove out to the campground and ended up starting our camping trip a day early! The private park we are staying at is so beautiful! There's a huge field. A sandbox. A swingset. A river (down aways, so the kids wont just fall in). A huge firepit. Working plumbing if you know what I mean! Just a beautiful place and Nathalie is sooo excited to be here!

Vacation--Day 1

This morning I woke up at 4 am to get ready to go the airport, I woke up Sam around 4:30 and we carried the kids down to the car and were out the door by 4:45 which was my goal (woo hoo). Southwest was fantastic and provided Sam with a pass so that he was actually able to help me all the way onto the plane with the kids! William fell asleep before we even took off; and Nathalie couldn't have been more excited! We touched down in San Jose (but did not have to get off the plane) and as we took back off William awoke (I'm guessing due to his ears) and was fussy. I tried everything to soothe him and he wouldn't even nurse! The flight attendent was amazing and helped me to get him calmed down. The rest of the flight went well. My sisterinlaw picked us up at the airport. We stopped to eat on the way back to her house (both the kids were asleep so we drove through and ate in the car). We took a trip to Walmart to get a few things and then stayed in the rest of that night, I made Spaghetti for his sister, nephew, brother, mom and dad.