Life

its been pretty hectic lately. I'm in the middle of midterms, with two done this week and one to go next. I'm extremely sad that I didn't get to spend Halloween with my kids, but find joy in knowing that I DO get to attend Nathalie's Halloween carnival on Friday! Sam's car died on Monday and my dad says its terminal; this is pretty sad news as we truly cannot afford a second car right now and I keep having horrible visions of no more playgroups. Currently we have my dad's 2nd truck (he has a work one and a home one) and he thought he had a really good deal for us on an old used car that his bosses daughter currently has sitting in her drive way (while she drives around in a 2006 Mercedes...pretty sure she doesn't need the old wagon in her driveway right?) which is all I really need, other than when I drive to Alpine to work, but at those times I'd use my current car; but turns out the really good deal on the old used car may not happen as girl is not really ready to depart w/ it. I'm tired and stressed and want to win the lottery...If anyone wins, will they throw me just enough to get an older used car, and maybe a house?! Thanks in advance!

to wean or not to wean that is the question

I have nursed William for 17 and a half months, I have loved most of it, truly I have. The moments that he and I share nursing are almost always joyful. Recently (in the past month or so) our nursing relationship has not been on such friendly terms. He bites.hits.plays.etc.... Yesterday I nursed William very early in the morning (around 4 am) and decided, I would see how long we could go without nursing. It's currently been 42 hours. Yesterday I attended a natural family playgroup and discussed my situation and feelings with the moms there. One mom really put it into perspective for me, (she just recently weaned her 18 month old) by stating that she was resenting her lo, which isn't healthy for anyone in that relationship. When stepping out of my relationship with William I realized that thats exactly where I am right now. All that being said, I really think that William and I are going to work together to a non-nursing status in our relationship. It makes me sad, because he is my baby, but honestly (even if it does sound selfish). I need this in order to stay sane.

Quarter Life Crisis....

so I stumbled across the following:

The Quarter-Life Crisis "Being Twenty-Something". "They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading it, relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out !!?" -Author uknown

and seriously I had to post it!

Sam comes home tomorrow

and I can't wait. I miss him more than I thought I would, and not just because I want a second parent around (although thats a plus)I really miss him. His mom is back in the hospital as she had a heart attack,she should be released today or tomorrow. I know that for the remainder of her life we will be on a constant roller coaster ride.

17 months old

William is 17 months old! (October 4th was the official date) and today I took him for his WBC, he is 23 pounds and 33 & 1/2 inches. My baby boy is getting so big I cannot believe it. Here is a picture of him and Nathalie on her school picture day last wednesday! I was trying to get a shot of her and he ran up right next to her so I couldn't resist the cuteness!